No-one likes a show off.

Unless of course, that particular show off happens to have a moderately popular blog.

It is much better to keep any particular ’skills’ to yourself, and not go around subjecting the world to your dubious talents.  Which is why I hate birds.  Why are they such noisy fuckers?  Particularly if it is nice sunny day.

If the weather is nice, I am going to find out.  When my alarm goes off.  I do not need to be made aware of this fact at 5:30am each and every morning.

Yes, I can hear the nature-lovers amongst you thinking, “Oh but Angry, birdsong is such beautiful music.”  Well, that is all well and good, but some (utterly deranged) people say Celine Dion makes beautiful music, and I would be just as pissed off if she was singing in a tree outside my window at the crack of dawn.  Probably more so.  Especially if she did that Titanic number.

So why do they do it?  No one feels horny at that time of the morning, so it can’t be a mating call. There must be a reason.  Unless they are actively trying to piss us off?  In fact, I like to think that we are not the only animals that get thoroughly pissed off at them.  What about the predominantly nocturnal animals?  I can’t for one minute imagine a fox or a badger would be happy after a hard night of killing and pillaging to be woken up shortly after hitting the pillow.

You think the foxes are rummaging through the bins in the dead of night looking for food?  Hell no.  They’re just making as much racket as possible in a revenge attack on the sleeping birds.  And we (those of us who sleep with the window open) are all casualties of war.

Maybe that’s why noisy birds evolved wings in the first place.  All the ground based noisy fuckers were killed off by sleep deprived carnivores?