Archive for March 2010
Scars are cool. I heard that somewhere once. I’m pretty sure the words I heard next were, “Chicks dig guys with scars”.
I’m also pretty confident that what they meant to say was, “Chicks dig guys with scars – as long as they weren’t earned in a ridiculously embarrassing manner.” And let us be clear, I got my new scar in a ridiculously embarrassing manner. I told the story on the podcast, but as I’m not putting them up here any more, I thought I’d tell the story the old fashioned way in the style of our forefathers, with my fingers via a keyboard into a computer and onto the Internet.
It started with a morning visit to the bathroom, nothing unusual in that – we all do it. This was how I noticed I was about to run out of toiler roll – which would have created an entirely different blog post. So, I went onto the landing and to the airing cupboard where I keep spare loo rolls. To help paint the picture you are no doubt mentally building, I keep the loo rolls on the shelf directly below where I keep the iron. The iron which I had no put away properly the day before.
As I reached in for a new roll I accidentally brushed against the power lead for the iron, which knocked it from it’s precarious position and sent it tumbling down onto the top of my head. Such was the rotation of the iron that it was pointing direction downwards by the time it reached my head, ensuring that the only part that made contact with my skull was the pointy bit at the front. It would probably have hurt a lot more if more surface area had made contact, right?
I shot backwards with my hand at my head and let out a yelp. And some swears. Then some louder swears. I took my hand away to notice it was already covered in blood. This was not good.
I went back into the bathroom and began mopping blood from my head, but still it continued to seep out of the top of my head. By dabbing the site of the wound with my new toilet roll, I noticed what appeared to be a puncture mark of about 1cm in diameter. I did not know what to do, so I did what any sane person does in the midst of a medical emergency. I asked Twitter.
“How big should a cut on your head be, before you consider going to the hospital to get a stitch – serious question…?”
Twitter was not much help. Mostly people just wanted to know how I had done it for their own idle entertainment. The Internet can be a cruel place at times.
I was pretty sure that all the blood was quite misleading in terms of judging the severity of the injury, plus I could not think straight due to the blinding headache and I was feeling quite nauseous and really quite faint. So I decided that instead of wasting valuable NHS resources I would just to hold a sheet of kitchen roll to my head and have a little nap.
Eventually, the bleeding stopped. The following evening Cliff and Ben came round to record the podcast, and continued the theme of people off of the Internet giving me little or no sympathy – you can here their reactions in this podcast episode.
So what I would like a new excuse, please. I am going have this mark for quite some considerable time I imagine, and when questioned I would like to have something really cool to explain it away. Preferably something that doesn’t involve the use of the words ‘loo roll’ or ‘Morphy Richard Turbosteam’.
Suggestions welcomed…
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If you want to hear this week’s podcast, head over to the Angry and Cliff podcast page…
The latest episode includes Cliff’s imaginatively titled quiz, ’sound for a pound’, Angry’s intense hatred of Pandas, Google street view, lesbian school discos, and why Crufts is essentially a Nazi’s dream. All this plus the Pope apologising to God, Ben’s training course, the very first FA Cup final and a few words from Flavor Flav.
In the meantime, I’ll be trying to turn this site back into blog…
The podcast finally reaches pensionable age – if it were a woman – and show 60 sees Cliff, Ben and I discussing the week just gone, which includes me making a drunken tit of myself in front of TV’s David Mitchell, Cliff getting into trouble at the Tate, and Ben finding the Oscars very, very dull.
All this plus dog insurance, a new drug called meow meow, how to deal with recruitment consultants, and a list of disgusting things that have been in our mouths.
We are also happy to announce our new website, which can be found here: Angry & Cliff – The Podcast. It’s almost finished, so feel free to come by and say hello. As of next week, this site will return to being a ‘blog’. A rarely updated, distinctly unpopular blog, but a blog nonetheless. Which means of course that the show will now be published on the new site. It won’t make a difference to your feeds or anything, so you shouldn’t even notice the difference, if you’re a subscriber. If you’re not a subscriber, then I ask why the hell not?!
Podcast 59 is upon us, with Cliff, Ben and I discussing our experiences over the last week, which includes a telephone encounter with a ticket tout, being whistled at in the station, and learning how ‘watching strangers have sex in the car’ became known as dogging.
Ben has also prepared one of his special quizzes, which is loosely based on footballers.
All this plus Tangerinegate, broken PS3’s and all of your everyday items that sound like they should be sex toys. There’s a lot of sex this week, isn’t there? It is Ben and Cliff’s fault, they’re insatiable.
We will have a new website for the podcast soon, and so this will return to being a terrible blog. By terrible, I of course mean formidable.
As always, iTunes users can subscribe by clicking here or you can listen to the podcast by pressing the play button below. Clever people can subscribe in their player of choice with the feed which is here.
Twitter updates and the opportunity to be in next week’s show will be found if you follow us here.
Or, you could join our Facebook group here and drop us an email at podcastREMOVE_THIS_BIT@iamlivid.com.
