INT. WINE BAR. NIGHT.
DEL BOY You see, nowadays these modern Euro birds, they go for the mature men who's made it in life.
TRIGGER Yeah? Is that why we're having no luck?
DEL BOY I ain't tried yet! I'm just building meself up for the kill.
TRIGGER Yeah, well, you'd better hurry up. The first bell went just now.
DEL BOY Yeah, alright, alright.
Now the girl at table catches eyes with Del Boy.
DEL BOY (Cont'd) Could be on a winner here, Trig. Alright, play it nice and cool, son, nice and cool. You now what I mean?
Del smiles coolly and nods a greeting. The girl returns the merest of smiles and turns away.
Inspired by his tiny success, Del leans off counter and lights a cigar. Del now leans coolly on the bar and waves at the girl. He takes a puff from his cigar and makes his way over to them.
DEL BOY Au reviour mon petit chien. GIRL Err, hello. DEL BOY I couldn't help but notice you smiling in my direction just then. GIRL Sorry, I was just trying to get the barman's attention. He's ordered us a cab you see. DEL BOY OK, well maybe I could offer you lovely ladies a lift home? GIRL OK, what sort of cab have you got? DEL BOY. No! I'm not a cabbie. GIRL Sorry, executive travel provider? It's difficult to tell one cabbie from the next.
Del returns to Trigger in a huff.
DEL BOY Come on Trigger, drink up, we're leaving. TRIGGER What happened Del, I thought you were in there. DEL BOY Lesbians Trig, both Lesbians.
Producer’s Notes:
I like the way that Del’s high expectations are thwarted by his physical appearance, but I’m not sure that the lesbian line works. Perhaps in another 20 years or so when it’s a more common insult?
How about introducing some physical comedy instead? There isn’t enough falling over in comedy today. Maybe watch some Laurel & Hardy for inspiration? I really think a good ‘falling over’ gag could work well in here somwhere.
draft · only fools and horses · sitcom
Cliff · November 10, 2008 at 4:34 pm
I don’t think falling over would work in this context. You want something that would be shown again and again on those 1001 Greatest Comedy Moments Gags.
I’m trying to think where you could go with this one. Keep the lesbians line in, though, definitely.
Tideliar · November 10, 2008 at 5:12 pm
isn’t that the episode where Del Boy goes to lean on the bar hatch only it’s up and he goes for a burton? Funny as fuck, even 20 years later. Better than a lesbo joke… now, if he fell through the bar hatch while the girls kissed and stripped… well, best of both worlds there mate.
Keef · November 10, 2008 at 9:05 pm
Bit of a strange post this one Angry, or is there some hidden subtext here that we don’t realise?
You didn’t the cold shoulder this weekend by any chance?
Salvadore Vincent · November 14, 2008 at 7:16 pm
Excellent and true. I may have to steal this and pass it off as my own in script meetings.
More please.