INT. WINE BAR. NIGHT.

DEL BOY
You see, nowadays these modern Euro birds,
they go for the mature men who's made it in life.

TRIGGER
Yeah? Is that why we're having no luck?

DEL BOY
I ain't tried yet! I'm just building meself up for
the kill.

TRIGGER
Yeah, well, you'd better hurry up. The first bell
went just now.

DEL BOY
Yeah, alright, alright.

Now the girl at table catches eyes with Del Boy.

DEL BOY
(Cont'd)
Could be on a winner here, Trig. Alright, play it nice
and cool, son, nice and cool. You now what I mean?

Del smiles coolly and nods a greeting. The girl returns the merest of
smiles and turns away.

Inspired by his tiny success, Del leans off counter and lights a cigar.
Del now leans coolly on the bar and waves at the girl. He takes a puff
from his cigar and makes his way over to them.

DEL BOY
Au reviour mon petit chien.

GIRL
Err, hello.

DEL BOY
I couldn't help but notice you smiling in my direction
just then.

GIRL
Sorry, I was just trying to get the barman's attention.
He's ordered us a cab you see.

DEL BOY
OK, well maybe I could offer you lovely ladies a lift home?

GIRL
OK, what sort of cab have you got?

DEL BOY.
No!  I'm not a cabbie.

GIRL
Sorry, executive travel provider?  It's difficult to
tell one cabbie from the next.

Del returns to Trigger in  a huff.

DEL BOY
Come on Trigger, drink up, we're leaving.
TRIGGER
What happened Del, I thought you were in there.
DEL BOY
Lesbians Trig, both Lesbians.

Producer’s Notes:

I like the way that Del’s high expectations are thwarted by his physical appearance, but I’m not sure that the lesbian line works.  Perhaps in another 20 years or so when it’s a more common insult?

How about introducing some physical comedy instead?  There isn’t enough falling over in comedy today.  Maybe watch some Laurel & Hardy for inspiration?  I really think a good ‘falling over’ gag could work well in here somwhere.

draft · only fools and horses · sitcom