Fri 15 Aug 2008
It was only when the third pretty young lady gave me the eye as she walked past that I began to wonder what was going on.
Obviously I get eyed up in the gym all the time, but three times in one visit is a personal best. By two.
I put this down to it being a particularly good hair day, but I then ruled that out as I had been on the treadmill for nearly 30 minutes and was unlikely to be looking my (quite spectacular) best.
Still, being given the eye by three pretty young ladies is a positive boost to the ego, and so the final few minutes on the treadmill passed with little pain and a(n extremely small) spring in my step. I think I might even have had a small smile on my face.
I know.
As I wandered to the water fountain for some much needed refreshment I tried to catch the eye of one of the girls, but she was steadfastly avoiding my gaze. She was clearly not wanting to appear to keen. I understand her stance, but it was a bit silly of her really, as I really value ‘keen’ as a personal attribute of the women I date. Along with dubious morals and a low alcohol tolerance. She could have been perfect.
I reached the water fountain and drank heavily from the cold water. As I wiped my mouth I glanced in the mirror and that’s when I saw them. There, atop my head, were my sunglasses. In a gym. Indoors.
Twat.
I had ridden my bike to the gym, and it had been sunny, very briefly, so I had decided to wear them en route. I had clearly forgotten to take them off my head after raising them to swipe my membership card, and now people had been looking at me like one of the those gym ponces that wear medallions and designer tracksuits.
I made a big act of taking them off, “Oh, I can’t believe I had them on all this time, it’s because I rode here you see, you must think I’m a right twat.”
I can’t be sure, but I think I heard a few faint murmurs of agreement.
I left quickly and have yet to return.
10 Responses to “Eye Contact”
August 15th, 2008 at 8:55 am
Can’t believe you wear a medallion and trackie suit with the sunglasses. No wonder people stare. Ponce!
August 15th, 2008 at 9:10 am
Making a production about taking them off your head was your big mistake Angry, you were effectively proclaiming your status as an uncool and forgetful nerd to her.
You should have taken them off your head as if you’d know they were there all along, ignored them completely because you are securely confident in your own self-image or just put them on your face.
As it was you picked the worst possible option
Disappointed Angry very disappointed.
August 15th, 2008 at 9:10 am
Mate, fuck ‘em! I once worked a full day in a Slough off-licence with a flower behind my ear. Missus thought it would be fun to put it there while i was getting dressed and because i’m an idiot, forgot to take it out. I was called ‘Darling’ & ‘Love’ by the local urchins for a good few weeks after that. Twat!
August 15th, 2008 at 10:06 am
If it helps, I think you are a twat without sunglasses on the top of your head.
However, as I am not a pretty young lady I am fairly certain that you couldn’t give a fuck
August 15th, 2008 at 1:13 pm
I bet you drive your car with your left blinker signal blinking for miles at a time as well then?
August 15th, 2008 at 1:28 pm
Sewmouse - I assumed that in these fraught times the blinker thing was a statement of political affiliation, fair warning so you can avoid extremists of either persuasion. It’s rather like the stickers on cars that let you know, “Hi! All of my most deeply held political and religious beliefs can be condensed to a mass produced phrase that fits on a small bit of sticky paper! Also I don’t know how to parallel park and if in case of rapture this vehicle becomes unmanned you probably won’t notice any difference!”
August 15th, 2008 at 2:07 pm
Its commonplace here in Lumberjackia, we have an excuse though - I literally cant see outside if I dont wear them in the summer here as its so fricken bright - not a problem I had often in the UK mwuhahahahahahahaha. Its been a miserable spring and summer this year though - mostly in the low 20s, oh well at least its back above 30 this weekend hahahahahahah.
August 16th, 2008 at 12:34 am
That’s nearly as bad as stepping off the treadmill and finding you’ve left your flies undone since going for a number one.
Er, not that I’ve ever done that.
August 16th, 2008 at 2:03 pm
I wore sunglasses on a plane on Thursday, and it got me better service from cabin crew. There’s a lot to be said for forgetfulness. Especially in terms of cool, because if you aren’t aware of the fact, you can carry it off far better.
My advice - go back wearing shades and a fuck you attitude. You’ll be wading in sleazy coupling in under an hour.
August 17th, 2008 at 8:49 pm
You are a scouser, aren’t you…