Thu 14 Aug 2008
Calligraphy ‘artists’ give a bad name to proper artists. Being able to write fancy wedding invitations does not make you an artist. What it actually makes you is the slowest note taker in the world, I bet they would be rubbish at taking the minutes.
“Did you get all that Maude?”
“Not quite, what did you say after ‘I’?”
Surely this ’skill’ must have died out by now? My Mac has absolutely loads of fonts built in, so I can make my dreary prose look as fancy as I like. In seconds. I even have a font that lets me write like the lettering Back to the Future, it is ace.
At no point would I consider getting someone else in to write something down for me. Being able to do something that a computer can do, only doing it slower and more expensively, does not offer a strong career path.
Don’t get me wrong, I am sure that back in the nineteenth century it was quite popular, mainly as Helvetica and Arial had not taken off among the word processing community. It was probably a lucrative career at that point. But so was sticking leeches to people to cure them of the bad Aids (or whatever the Victorian equivalent was; the good Aids?), and that skill soon died out. Apart from the mentals who believe in ‘alternative’ medicine, but you can’t count them as proper people.
I remember a girl at school who was very good at calligraphy, which at the time was her single redeeming feature. Getting her to spend her lunch hour writing “Dale sucks balls” on the blackboard in two feet high calligraphy lettering was quite amusing at the time. If she offered to do it today I would say no, not because Dale doesn’t suck balls, he might well still do, but because I can do it myself in moments on a computer.
All calligraphists should learn a proper skill, like plumbing or contract killing.
10 Responses to “Calligraphy”










August 14th, 2008 at 9:12 am
I find your attitude depressing believing as I do that we are getting too dependent on computers. When the Revolt of the Machines has begun and your Mac won’t let you write what you want (much like Microsoft Office does now) the best the rebels will be able to do is scrawl text speak in crayon.
BOO 2 U !!! doesn’t have the same ring as
“I know not what course others may take; but as for me, give me liberty or give me death”
August 14th, 2008 at 10:17 am
Oddly enough when I was at school all the trouble-causing thickies were taken away to do Calligraphy while we learned about the Arab-Israli conflict. I have an image in my head of a 6ft, ADHD, Spurs fan sitting in the back room of a florists, tounge clamped in his teeth, forehead straining under the concentration as he carefully spells out 2 words a day. This is why flowers are so fucking expensive and therefore why my missus thinks i’m a cold unromantic bastard!
August 14th, 2008 at 1:36 pm
Wow. You can write calligraphy on a blackboard with a computer? Truly, truly impressed - and I’m a graphic designer so I know whereof I speak. You realize this is the first step to learning to inscribe sacred messages in the odd cow or pig. Begin researching the potential economic benefits of your own religion at once.
August 14th, 2008 at 1:59 pm
So out of date….leeches are being used by doctors to this day in NHS & private hospitals all over the world.
So the medical profession are not proper people, eh? Be sure to write this nicely when you try to get a hospital appointment.
August 14th, 2008 at 2:58 pm
Times were not kind to buggy whip makers either.
August 15th, 2008 at 4:01 am
Oh, I dunno — it can’t be THAT bad of a career path, in terms of earnings. I called a calligrapher regarding my wedding invitations, just to prove to my mother it was a crap idea, and this woman wanted 300 dollars to address them. That translates to a lot of Euros or pounds, and surely it’s all profit — markers don’t cost much, do they?
August 15th, 2008 at 1:10 pm
If the Caligraphers take up contract killing, they will be putting even MORE of Detroit out of work.
First they lost their auto-making jobs, now they lose their lucrative 2nd-choice careers??
August 15th, 2008 at 1:31 pm
Yes, absolutely.
August 17th, 2008 at 8:46 pm
If they became contract killers they could leave nice notes pinned to the door as a stylish calling card, that would be classy.
And not only do doctors still use leeches (it’s considered a useful detox tool in some countries), but they also still use maggots to clean out wounds, it’s sickening. Thankfully it’s cheap, though, they grow them in the canteens.
October 1st, 2008 at 3:13 am
It’s always entertaining to read the enlightened commentary of those like yourself who think it right for art to be crushed under the foot of technology. Good thing computers hadn’t yet been invented when DaVinci, Van Gogh, and Rembrandt lived, or they would most likely have been replaced by the Microsoft Paint program.
But if you think calligraphy is outdated, I say bravo for you! Not only will you save a heap of money, but you’ll show all those phony artists out there who’s boss when you address your own wedding invitations via laser printer with that fabulous “Back to the Future” font.
Because that would be so now.