If I was a benevolent deity, I would definitely speak to my followers by inscribing my name in the cooked carcass of a dead cow.
It is the only sensible choice. With all the spam emails, junk mail, and telesales cold calls we get in a modern society, you can only be sure to get your message across by using a pattern of gristle in some charred bovine flesh. Then the people will really take notice of what you have to say.
Especially when what you have to say is just your name (in case they had forgotten that bit of information about you).
Admittedly, this is where the use of a well done steak becomes a little less practical, because after writing your name on it there isn’t much room left to put things like, “Please stop blowing yourselves up, we are fresh out of virgins.”
There is also the very real danger of the deity being branded a graffiti artist, after all, graffiti artists have successfully bagsied the ‘Surreptitiously Writing Their Names On Their Creations’ modus operandi. Then again, you never see Allah and Banksy in the same room, do you?
Perhaps these food based messages should be transferred to one of those American steak restaurants where you can have a 64oz steak for free if you can finish it. There is room for a good couple of paragraphs on those.
Unless of course this particular Nigerian restaurant patron only noticed his meat was inscribed with the name of Allah after eating a good proportion of it? Maybe the full meal contained a great message of hope for the human race, but due to his gluttony (a Christian sin, oh the irony) all we are left with is, “Thanks, Allah X.”
Not all messages in food mean something though. When I was at school I had a piece of toast that said, “Spastic Noodles”. I spent all afternoon wondering what it meant until Little Alan admitted to scraping the words into it with his (now very illegal) penknife.
I am not saying this is the work of Little Alan, but no-one has seen him since he went to a meeting with a rich Prince from Nigeria that he met on the Internet.
allah · deity · food · muslim · nigeria
Keef · July 23, 2008 at 9:21 am
It’s no dafter than a burning bush, I wonder what really happened when Moses came home after tending the sheep.
“Boss I’ve been spoken to by a burning bush, God has called me to lead his people out of Egypt”
“Yeah right Moses you’ve been drinking out in the desert again have you?”
The thing that gets me about Allah sending messages to people is that for an all-powerful deity he thinks awful small. The best he can do is carve his initials in someone’s dinner?
Come on Allah if you want to convince people that Islam is the only true religion show some imagination here, move the stars around, spell your message by making some new constellations. Write your name in the heavens as it were now that would convince even me. What’s so funny about this article is the vet saying well since there’s four pieces of meat it must be genuine because more than one can’t be a co-incidence. Don’t they have carving knives in Nigeria then? I suspect the thousands of suckers flocking there to look at it and no doubt boosting the owners business is not a co-incidence either.
Lin · July 23, 2008 at 11:56 am
There is available a smiley face press that you press into your bread before you toast it so that it has a nice smiley face on once it is cooked.
Megan · July 23, 2008 at 1:48 pm
This is nothing. We had a holy tortilla with the face of Christ done in little burn spots. I don’t quite remember what it was significant of, but seems to me that Allah is a little late to the party on this one. Of course not long after the tortilla molded a bit and was more Che Guevara so perhaps there’s a vacancy now in the deity manifestation on edible items area.
Deenie · July 23, 2008 at 2:48 pm
I would debate whether that is actually meat before I would debate what it may or may not say. Gross!
wolf · July 24, 2008 at 1:36 am
I am going to start another band, just so I can name it “Spastic Noodles.”
Manic · July 25, 2008 at 10:28 pm
Spastic Noodles? I like that which may say much about me. Or not.
I once poured out my vindaloo takeaway and the wife insisted the sauce spelt out ‘fucking hot’. I think she was on my pills though. Possibly my vodka. She got none of my vindaloo though. There are limits to my love.
Ian Deans · July 31, 2008 at 12:47 am
You’ve been quiet for a bit there, Angry; everything ok?
Vamos666 · July 31, 2008 at 9:09 am
Just thinking the same thing. Do you think he’s finally happy?
Gnarlyswine · July 31, 2008 at 2:30 pm
I think his deity based ramblings has finally resulted in a well placed lightning bolt.
Sewmouse · July 31, 2008 at 3:05 pm
Mr Angry?
Did you get blowed up by terrahists for making Allah jokes??
xl · August 1, 2008 at 2:41 pm
[crickets]
You OK, Angry?
Admin comment by Mr Angry · August 1, 2008 at 6:11 pm
All – I am alive and not yet taken by the Terrists…
Just been busy and on holiday next week, but will have many tales to tell upon my return.
Ian Deans · August 2, 2008 at 9:33 pm
Another holiday? You ought to change the blog name from ‘I am Livid’ to ‘I’m Nicely Tanned’
Shannon · August 4, 2008 at 12:16 am
There was a woman in the U.S. with some toast bearing an image of the Virgin Mary, in addition to the aforementioned Christ tortilla. She sold the toast on eBay recently for around $15,000US. But first she got the toast tattooed on her arm or something — I can’t remember — it was on Miami Ink.
And yeah, I’d like evidence that the stuff in the photograph is actually meat. That’s just sick and wrong.
Lin · August 4, 2008 at 1:32 pm
Hope he remembered to splosh on the suncream, drag on the t-shirt and plonk on a hat otherwise it could be sunstroke talking.
Vamos666 · August 4, 2008 at 3:12 pm
He says ‘holiday’ but they can get the internet in prison now…
megan · August 5, 2008 at 4:17 am
Right, Jesus sees your sacred message in a cooked cow carcass and raises you one live kitten backside:
http://www.omgblog.com/2008/08/omg_family_sees_jesus_in_cat.php
Media Training · August 5, 2008 at 11:54 am
This is where alphabites come into their own…
Lin · August 5, 2008 at 4:21 pm
Didn’t know they served alphabites in prison as well as peanut butter.
Vamos666 · August 5, 2008 at 4:54 pm
Alphabites, peanut butter, suicide and violent sodomy are all freely available these days.