Archive for July 23rd, 2008
If I was a benevolent deity, I would definitely speak to my followers by inscribing my name in the cooked carcass of a dead cow.
It is the only sensible choice. With all the spam emails, junk mail, and telesales cold calls we get in a modern society, you can only be sure to get your message across by using a pattern of gristle in some charred bovine flesh. Then the people will really take notice of what you have to say.
Especially when what you have to say is just your name (in case they had forgotten that bit of information about you).
Admittedly, this is where the use of a well done steak becomes a little less practical, because after writing your name on it there isn’t much room left to put things like, “Please stop blowing yourselves up, we are fresh out of virgins.”
There is also the very real danger of the deity being branded a graffiti artist, after all, graffiti artists have successfully bagsied the ‘Surreptitiously Writing Their Names On Their Creations’ modus operandi. Then again, you never see Allah and Banksy in the same room, do you?
Perhaps these food based messages should be transferred to one of those American steak restaurants where you can have a 64oz steak for free if you can finish it. There is room for a good couple of paragraphs on those.
Unless of course this particular Nigerian restaurant patron only noticed his meat was inscribed with the name of Allah after eating a good proportion of it? Maybe the full meal contained a great message of hope for the human race, but due to his gluttony (a Christian sin, oh the irony) all we are left with is, “Thanks, Allah X.”
Not all messages in food mean something though. When I was at school I had a piece of toast that said, “Spastic Noodles”. I spent all afternoon wondering what it meant until Little Alan admitted to scraping the words into it with his (now very illegal) penknife.
I am not saying this is the work of Little Alan, but no-one has seen him since he went to a meeting with a rich Prince from Nigeria that he met on the Internet.
