When I was young I thought I was double-jointed.

I could bend my thumb all the way back so it was resting against the outside of my wrist.  It used to make people feel quite ill.  It was truly brilliant.  If ever a lesson became quieter than I would like, I merely had to bend my thumb backwards and someone would cry.

Then I got older and realised that, in all honesty, being bendy is a bit rubbish.  I was twenty one before I realised it was better to talk to a girl than ask her if she wanted to see something that would make her vomit.

Luckily, my bendiness left me as I drifted into my very extremely late 20’s.  Unfortunately, some people take this to a ridiculous extreme and then try to make a career out of it though.  Those people being contortionists.  I have seen them on reality shows such as Britain’s Got Retards or whatever the latest one is called.

I do not see why this is a talent worthy of prime time television?  Why would anyone want to stuff themselves into a box usually reserved for transporting cats, and then be forced to examine their own anus at close quarters?  It is not as if it is even making anyone cry (which sort of makes it worth it).

Yet people clap wildly (and text premium rate lines in their droves) when they see this sickening garbage.

I have also noticed that it is mainly women contortionists who appear on the stages of our favourite reality shows.  Is this a coincidence?  What is it about male contortionists and their ability to to get up close and personal with their own nether-regions that ensures they would prefer to stay at home than exhibit themselves before the nation?