Wed 2 Jul 2008
The warnings on most over-the-counter medicines are, quite frankly, rubbish.
If a list of potential side effects includes the phrase, “May cause nausea.” this does not really help you. It is a misleading statement. A bit like those “May contain nuts” warnings on some foods. The chance is probably much less than 1% but they have to put on there anyway.
I would like to live in a world where all of those medicinal warnings were for things that you definitely would suffer from. Saying that “possible side effects may include” isn’t really very much information when you’re trying to make a reasoned judgement on whether to imbibe a particular medicine.
I want some proper analysis, and if possible, some cold hard statistics.
“This headache tablet will, in 4.3% of cases, make you shit like a rusty garden tap.”
That is a useful warning. I know it’s pretty unlikely, and if my headache is therefore bad enough I would be willing to risk a dose of the watery stools.
It works the other way too. Would you bother taking a sleeping tablet that only had a 54% chance of making you drowsy?
I recommend these medicines should carry tables much like you see on most food packaging outlining the nutritional facts of the product you are buying.
- 97% chance of pain relief.
- 23% chance of upset stomach.
- 3% chance of vomiting and diarrhea.
- 0.001% chance of elephantiasis of the testicles.
- 0.0000001% chance of crying diamonds.
Would you take a headache tablet with the above information on it?
10 Responses to “What if ‘may’ was ‘will’”
July 2nd, 2008 at 9:11 am
I’d take lots - I would love to cry diamonds!
Are you ill or just have manflu?
July 2nd, 2008 at 12:44 pm
Statistics like “in 1% of cases will cause instant death” are useless unless you know how many people have recently taken the drug.
If you knew that 99 people have just had a dose and they were all fine, then you are the 1% and I wouldn’t bother.
If you take a drug that has a 5% chance of giving you nausea, and you get nausea, I would say that physiologically you were predisposed to getting side effects from these sorts of medicines therefore your chances of nausea are 100%.
I would say don’t bother with all these new fangled medicines, use alternative therapy instead. Then when you die from an otherwise curable infection we’ll be able to say that at least you didn’t suffer from nausea AND we’ll have proved that herbal remedies are complete and utter shite.
July 2nd, 2008 at 2:08 pm
Nope. I want a much higher possibility of elephantiasis of the testicles. According to most of my email correspondents I’m terribly under equipped and frankly I’m beginning to feel a bit self conscious about it.
July 2nd, 2008 at 2:24 pm
Crying diamonds sounds painful.
Worth it though Im thinking!
July 2nd, 2008 at 3:03 pm
I’m not too worried about the testicles thing, as I have none, but I think I’d rather have a headache pill with a much higher chance of crying diamonds, and a lower chance of stomach upset.
July 2nd, 2008 at 3:46 pm
Best ones are anti-depressants, as the side effects include anxiety, depression and suicide (as well as nausea, hallucinations, yawning, insomnia etc.etc.)
July 2nd, 2008 at 6:40 pm
I never got the warnings that sleep aids “may cause drowsiness.” No, really? Isn’t that why I’m taking the damn things?
July 2nd, 2008 at 10:07 pm
Would you take a headache tablet with the above information on it?
depends. if i’d a hangover i’d happily shove them in my ears to make it go away.
July 9th, 2008 at 5:57 pm
That’s hilarious , but I am NEVER going out with you!
July 10th, 2008 at 10:36 pm
When your medicine’s warning says “Do not operate heavy machinery” you know you’ve got the good stuff.