Sometimes it is hard being a hero.

My home town, along with several other sprawling hamlets, has recently suffered from a water supply infected with Cryptosporidium.  And I know what you are thinking, but you would be wrong.  No amount of ingested Cryptosporidium will give you super powers.  Unless you consider pretty much perpetual diarrhea a super power (and Stan Lee rejected my Ass-Waterman pitch years ago).  They really should name water bound bacteria more effectively if they want to engender panic and not excitement among the population.

With the Northamptonshire drinking water no longer fit for human consumption, and two young nephews and numerous other relatives caught in this environmental disaster, I saw no option but to act.

I strode around my local southern-based Tesco like a man with a purpose.  A purpose which required two shopping trolleys.  Unfortunately, there is only so long you can stride purposefully around a supermarket whilst pushing 120 litres of mineral water, after which point it becomes more of a hopeful meander.  You no longer have the option of avoiding people, and merely hope they see you in time to take evasive action.  I suddenly had a new found respect for the Captain of the Titanic, as I now realise that sometimes there is a numbing inevitability about certain collisions.

“Oh, were we in your way?” said the enormous man with nothing but cooked and uncooked dead animal in his trolley, somewhat sarcastically.

“Sorry.”  I began, “It’s just that with all this water they’re really hard to steer.”

“Right.” he continued, in a not entirely friendly tone.  “Thirsty are you?”

“Yes.  I only came in for a can of coke, but you know what it’s like, you see the big signs, the bright colours….”

This was a mistake.

There is a reason that heroes in the middle of a mercy dash do not stop to make sarcastic remarks to enormous shoppers in suburban supermarkets. These scenes normally get cut before they make it to the local multiplex, usually because they involve our hero (that is me in this case) making profuse apologies for his remarks due to the stress of the situation, and his lack of experience having never had to be an actual hero before.

Two hours later I was greeted like a saviour, sort of, as my sister showed me to her already substantial stock of water to see her family through the crisis.

I was just glad I did not wear my cape.