Much like those of you reading this, I am a big fan of free stuff.  It is my favourite kind of stuff.  There are very few sentences in the English language that cannot be improved by adding the words, “…for free” at the end.  It is right up there with, “Ok, seeing as it’s your birthday.”

Which is why I was so please when I received an email a few weeks ago from The One Who Talks A Lot (TOWTAL).

“Do you want to come and watch the final day of the golf at Wentworth?” it began, before ending all enticingly with, “for free!”

I like golf, and I like free stuff, so there really wasn’t much a of decision to make.  I replied in the affirmative and looked forward to my day watching some of the best golfers in the world.

When the morning arrived, I offered to drive, as the event was sponsored by BMW, and BMW drivers had free entry to a few areas with complimentary drinks (I hope you are following the “I like free stuff” thread so far?).

As we drove the dozen or so miles to Wentworth I asked TOWTAL about the tickets.

“Oh, it’s a pretty good deal actually.  If you’re resident on the Wentworth estate you get free tickets.  My mates boss lives there, but is away so he gave it him, who gave it to me for today.”

“So, where are they?”

“Oh, you just need show this.” he said pulling out a small card to hang from the rear view mirror.  A card with the word, “Resident” on it.

“Is that it?”

“Yep.”

“And you’re sure we can get in for free with just that?”

“That’s what he told me.”

“Has he used it himself.”

“Well, not exactly.  No.”

I was nervous.  Both Quasifrodo and Equine Pimp on the backseat were also nervous.  The only thing worse than something not being free, is thinking it was free and then having to pay for it.

We parked in the free BMW car park, and TOWTAL engaged the security guard in conversation.  He came back a few moments later.

“Well.   It’s a bit like this you see.”  he began.  “It seems this pass only gets us free parking.”

“You mean like the free parking that we’ve already got?”

“Yes, a bit like that.  Only a bit further away from the course.  There is good news though!  There are still tickets available!”

So, ten minutes later, as the four of us trudged towards the course - one hundred and twenty pounds lighter as a group - we resolved never to partake in one of TOWTAL’s freebie scams ever again*.  And we also missed Miguel Angel Jiménez’s hole-in-one.

(*If you’re reading this TOWTAL, this does not include potential Silverstone tickets.)