I wrote last week about the hypocrisy in the nature documentary business. I have been thinking about this a bit more, and I have realised that since the untimely death of Steve Irwin, we are basically relying on David Attenborough to make these films. Once he goes, we are in trouble.

So where are all the young nature documentary makers?

I blame the Internet.

Or more specifically, I blame Internet porn. Since the Internet came along kids are no longer interested in nature any more. And why would they be? They no longer need to spend hours in bushes and hedgerows looking for discarded porn. Nowadays it is just a click away. They are truly spoilt.

I remember many bush-based conversations as a kid that went along the lines of, “Would you look at the gash on that!” followed closely by “Oooh, look! A pretty butterfly!”

I tell you, everything I know about which leaves sting exposed flesh is thanks to discarded porno magazines. There are some mistakes you only ever make once. When it comes to this country’s fauna within 20 feet of a public footpath I am like David Bellamy. Which I suppose makes me as qualified as anyone to take over from Mr. Attenborough?

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