A computer is a very personal thing. It is a bit like a car, or a girlfriend, in that it can be quite an uncomfortable experience letting some else have a go in it. Especially if you really really like the car.
Computers can be similar in that they are generally only used by yourself, and over time they learn your habits and idiosyncrasies. It can be as hard to navigate your way round someone else’s computer as it is to find the G Spot on someone else’s girlfriend.
The thing about computers though, is that they don’t immediately recognise they are being used by someone else, which is sort of the where the girlfriend analogy falls down a bit, unless you are using Rohypnol. Because they don’t realise they are being used by someone else, they can betray you in the click of a mouse button.
A friend was using my Mac to check some train times and had launched Google to search for the correct website to use.
“Ummm….” they began questioningly in my direction, “When did you search for Transvestites in London?”
“What?!”
“I only got as far as putting in the ‘Tra’ of ‘Train timetable’ when Google suggested I might be searching for Transvestites in London, as it was a search you’d done previously. So, when did you want to find a cockney ladyboy?”
This was disappointing in the extreme. Like a prison snitch looking to get credit for a tiny piece of information it had managed to gather, Google was grassing me up. As a result, I was then forced into a long explanation of how that search was conducted as part of a project I had been involved in, and how it really is not what it seems, out of context. After a couple of hours they finally conceded that it was not as they had first thought, and it really was a completely innocent bit of research and not conclusive proof that I am a pervert.
So, let this be a lesson to you. Just like the friend’s girlfriend who gets drunk and lets slip your little secret, you should be very careful what you share with your computer.
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13 comments
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Omohat · May 15, 2008 at 7:44 am
Thats what guest accounts on your computer are for. I never let anyone use my account just in case!
Brennig · May 15, 2008 at 8:28 am
Angry, this has to be your funniest post in ages. Completely brilliant, well done.
But how did you get on with the transvestite in London thing?
Oli · May 15, 2008 at 8:52 am
I am very. Very. worried.
Glammer · May 15, 2008 at 9:14 am
I once received an “I’m gay” confession from a mate. The idiot had used his Hotmail account on a so-called friend’s PC and forgot to log out completely.
Anyway, I suspect this story is just a ruse to convince us you’re not a geek who’d know how to avoid such e-trails. Nice try, geek.
Some of those trannies you would, though, wouldn’t you? I mean, if it was a toss-up between them or some ropey old ex-Rooney boiler and you could guarantee real life doesn’t show up in a Google search.
Lin · May 15, 2008 at 9:35 am
If you type quite hard and manage to knock the letters off the keys not many people ask to use your pc and all the sites you have a quick visit of stay private.
That is until you need the IT guy round because the bloody machine has had a fit! Now that can be quite embarrassing.
Al · May 15, 2008 at 9:58 am
“Transvestites in London”, that was one of Andrew Lloyd Webbers wasn’t it? I enjoyed it, apart from all the transvestites!
Keef · May 15, 2008 at 10:07 am
Glammer your life has obviously been more adventurous than mine has what few trannies I’ve met (and I happily admit to my inexperience in this regard) looked about as feminine as a pantomine dame and about as much of a turn on, I can’t imagine myself preferring one of them over even the ugliest of women no matter how drunk and desperate I was at the time and believe me there have been times in the past when I have been really desperate and really really drunk and I confess to having scored with some real mingers when in the aforementioned state.
Angry what the hell kind of project involves research into transvestites, I’ve been going through the list of projects here at work advertising for staff and none of could even come close to that
Sewmouse · May 15, 2008 at 2:50 pm
Things to do if Angry ever comes over to visit:
1) Clean house
2) Put out fresh linens
3) Get lock installed on lacy undergarments drawer..
xl · May 15, 2008 at 3:21 pm
Spouse-xl inherited a laptop when a co-worker left the company. The web browser still had bookmarks to gay Christian sites. Not that this helps with your trannie situation.
Stacey · May 16, 2008 at 4:35 am
Something similar happened to me the other night (although no trannie searches were involved). I’m newly dating a guy from Lewes and I had looked it you online just to see where it was (I live in the States). Then he used my Google to show me where it was and it auto-filled in! Now he probably thinks I’m stalking him . . .
kermit · May 16, 2008 at 8:10 am
you do realise that you can disable the autofill feature in most browsers, right? and also that there’s a setting to automatically clear the cache every so often, too?
Chalcedon · May 17, 2008 at 9:46 am
Tools, options, privacy
Grassed up? ROTFLMFAO!!!!! Hilarious. That brightened my day.
fophillips · May 19, 2008 at 11:32 pm
Which is why Firefox purges my form entries on session close…