Oops?
It is late and I am pissing about on Facebook, in my real account, not my I am Livid one. I have accepted a friend request from someone and almost immediately a message appears in my Inbox.
“Hi angry saw u were online so thought id say hi. do u remember me at all.”
I begin to feel like I have made a terrible, terrible mistake.
It is all well and good accepting Facebook friend requests from people with whom you share mutual school friends. They must have been at school with you, right? I am notoriously bad with names, but very good with faces, so if I see a picture of someone I recognise, I accept the request.
But she had not put up a photo when the request came through. Instead it was the generic blue question mark. We had five joint friends, some of whom were quite fit at school, so I decided to accept her.
But now the dilemma. No, I did not remember her. Which means she was definitely not on the A List of school hotties. I remember those particular girls very very well indeed.
I was at a complete loss.
So, did I say that I did not remember her and admit, somewhat embarrassingly, that I accepted her request because of some shared fit female friends we have?
Or pretend that, “Yeah, of course I remember you. How could I forget! Oh the laughs we had. You know, with our other joint friends and that. And the teachers, phew, they were a nightmare weren’t they? Yeah, I remember everything about school. Definitely. So tell me about what you’ve been up to. Do you still have the same height, hair, weight or distinguishing marks that you might want to mention?”
I imagine if there is a process on Facebook for having a friend removed she is in the middle of it right now.
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April 28th, 2008 at 9:25 am
You’ve been lying to us all this time ? Your name’s not really Angry ?? How could you ??
Consider yourself lucky at least you went to a school which had hotties, I went to an all boys grammar school. We shared a swimming pool with the girls grammar school but whenever they used it, the teachers would throw up an exclusion zone around it to keep us away from them. I couldn’t wait to go to Uni.
April 28th, 2008 at 10:00 am
Serves you right for being trendy and going on Facebook. They’re not really your friends, y’know? Try borrowing money off them and see how far you get.
April 28th, 2008 at 10:55 am
Don’t knock it, there’s nothing wrong with having a strange girl sitting on your facebook…
April 28th, 2008 at 11:59 am
There should be a Freecycle facility on Facebook - recycle the friends you don’t want, that kind of thing. If I could be arsed I’d write the utility and submit it.
April 28th, 2008 at 2:02 pm
You do realize that some of those “hottie” girls from school have now become overweight moms with support hose and snot-nosed toddlers hanging from their hips?
On the other hand, some of those girls who were marginal-at-best may have blossomed into utterly gorgeous specimens of female lovelyness - and you’d de-friend her without knowing?
Now, had you said you wanted to de-friend her for her ghastly text-speak message, I’d be right behind you on that!
April 28th, 2008 at 2:58 pm
An additional question to her, “What are you wearing?”.
April 28th, 2008 at 3:21 pm
Hi Angry, Bit disappointing today as I expected Amy Housewine rant. NO,No No. Who is this Cunt, I don’t want to know,know,know. You could at least have done the, “How can you headbutt someone with a bearskin on joke but no, no, no. Instead you are fucking about on Facebook which is a dead giveaway as you are not at all angry. Just getting old. Go and have a rest. You have let me down!
April 28th, 2008 at 5:52 pm
April 28th, 2008 at 8:00 pm
maybe it isn’t a woman at all.
maybe it’s a man who crushed on you throughout those four academic years filled with longing and far-fetched expectations
maybe it’s the President of the University who used to look for you among the student body and pictured the pimples on your back spelling out his name
maybe the old geezer puts on stockings and cherry flavored lipstick and pushes the few white hairs he has left under a long blond wig. and maybe he bends over in white wedding dress so you could check out his liverspotted chest while he sings “Happy Birthday” to you in a Marilyn Monroe sort of way and pictures you in a bathtub full of bubbles and contraceptives.
and maybe he waited 10 years for you to sign up on a popular social networking site just to send you a message saying hi so that the fantasy could finally become reality.
April 28th, 2008 at 8:05 pm
…or It could just be one of your mates dicking about?
April 28th, 2008 at 8:44 pm
Aimee, that was the weirdest thing I’ve ever read…
April 29th, 2008 at 1:19 am
Most old school friends are cunts, myself included.
April 29th, 2008 at 9:24 pm
Facebook should have a “Why are you removing this friend?” section, a bit like the form for editing how you know each other. It could include:
- I thought she’d be hot but she’s not.
- He was my first shag and he’s forgotten me, the bastard.
- This person is even more boring online than she was at school.
etc.