When I was at school, we had plenty of thick kids around. I know this because I was considered to be of ‘well above average’ intelligence. When I was ten a teacher told my parents that I should start bringing in a newspaper as there was little more they could teach me.  For that to be the case there must have been some really fucking stupid children around me.

However, it is extremely rare that we hear parents describing their children in such terms. Yes, I am sure you all have high hopes for little James and Felicity, but let us be honest here, the world needs the trolley collectors and shop assistants. Otherwise I would have to carry two baskets around with me and would spend ages looking to find where the bread has been moved to this week. It is a fact that simpletons make our lives easier.

So why not admit the truth. Your child is a bit of a half-wit. We are not necessarily talking about them being eat-their-own-elbow stupid, but we both know they are are never going to medical school.  There are far too many excuses for vacuous behaviour in my opinion, such that a simple explanation of blatant stupidity is regularly ignored in favour of Attention Deficit Disorder, Learning Difficulties, Dyslexia, Dyspraxia etc. There are a million conditions that the modern parent can cling to as the reason their child is not excelling at school.

But why can’t it be that they are simply ‘a bit stupid’? It happens. There are many, many stupid people out there. The fact that Big Brother is in its ninth year is testament to this fact.

Each year when the exam results are published, and the relative performances of local schools are compared, why can’t we have an honest Head Teacher come out and say, “You know what, we have an excellent staff, we work hard, and we did everything we could, it’s just that we had a particularly stupid bunch this year. Lightening doesn’t strike twice, so come back next year when I am confident we will score more highly.”

So come on, who is honest enough to admit they have a relative who is just plain stupid?

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