I am ill, so rather than a proper post I am going to share some pub chat with you. The following are a few things recently claimed in the pub as being 100% verifiable fact. I do not have time to look them up, so I am just going to assume they are all true.
Gianfanco Zola has three testicles and only nine toes.
The Alan key was invented by Alan Titchmarsh.
If you tip out the plasma from inside a TV into a bowl you can build a weapon more powerful than military issue hand grenades.
Snorting pepper has hallucinogenic properties.
Scandinavians have hollower bones than most other Europeans.
Lenny Henry is a closet Nazi sympathiser, and his marriage to well known racist Dawn French is merely a an elaborate cover.
The pilot episode of Inspector Gadget was written by Professor Stephen Hawking.
Kerry Katona is allergic to all frozen foods. Except Yorkshire puddings and cake.
Jeremy Kyle is the illegitimate child of Bob Holness.
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Al · March 12, 2008 at 8:36 am
Why would you want three testicles? I don’t even use the two I,ve got!
Duck · March 12, 2008 at 8:43 am
Why don’t you add Zola to your donor list?
Glammer · March 12, 2008 at 8:48 am
“Kerry Katona is allergic to all frozen foods. Except Yorkshire puddings and cake.”
Cake? Surely that’s a typo?
Here’s a bollock-related factette for you and Gianfranco: “testify” is derived from Roman soldiers having to hold their nookie nuts when they swore an oath in court.
Lin · March 12, 2008 at 9:33 am
Did Michael Jackson have Roman ancestors then?
keef · March 12, 2008 at 9:52 am
Gianfanco Zola has three testicles and only nine toes.
I’ll have to take your word for this since I can think of no way of verifying it
The Alan key was invented by Alan Titchmarsh.
Well it’s spelt Allen key so I suspect that the real inventor was probably the late lamented Irish comedian
If you tip out the plasma from inside a TV into a bowl you can build a weapon more powerful than military issue hand grenades.
It’s pretty potent left where it is, a sizable part of the population seems to have lost the use of their higher cerebral functions as a result of exposure to it.
Snorting pepper has hallucinogenic properties.
I don’t know about pepper but cheese sure as hell does try a piece of cheese before you go to bed for some wild ass dreams.
Scandinavians have hollower bones than most other Europeans.
Why not I can think of quite a few people with hollow heads.
Lenny Henry is a closet Nazi sympathiser, and his marriage to well known racist Dawn French is merely a an elaborate cover.
True I’m sure, I can’t imagine why else he might have married her.
The pilot episode of Inspector Gadget was written by Professor Stephen Hawking.
I doubt this, His blog claims he’s a police inspector in Ruralshire, I know diversity and political correctness are out of hand in the modern police force but I think hiring a wheelchair bound paraplegic is pushing it.
Kerry Katona is allergic to all frozen foods. Except Yorkshire puddings and cake.
Do you really think Kerry Katona is allergic to ANY kind of food?
Jeremy Kyle is the illegitimate child of Bob Holness.
I really don’t want to even think about that one.
Geoff · March 12, 2008 at 11:37 am
Three testicles? That sounds like a load of bollocks to me!
Ange · March 12, 2008 at 11:39 am
If you tip the plasma from a T.V. do all the programmes fall out?
GH · March 12, 2008 at 11:45 am
“Gianfanco Zola has three testicles”
Just makes it easier to kick him in the nuts.
“Snorting pepper has hallucinogenic properties.”
So does licking those disgusting australian toads, but I leave that to the desperate men out there.
“Scandinavians have hollower bones than most other Europeans.”
But fantastic norbs – well the women anyway.
“Kerry Katona is allergic to all frozen foods”
Frostbite isn’t an allergy, once you defrost it, she’ll gorge herself stupid!
Well thats the level of my creativity and is pretty much why I don’t have a blog
GH
Equine Pimp · March 12, 2008 at 12:20 pm
“I am ill”
False – you are a workshy malingerer
Megan · March 12, 2008 at 12:49 pm
Glammer – my history prof taught me that they had to grab the OTHER guy’s nadgers but this is the same man who successfully included a bibliographical reference to the great Greek philosopher Testikles in his doctoral thesis so…
Citronella · March 12, 2008 at 2:37 pm
Megan – Do you really think anybody reads doctoral theses?
Shambo's revenge · March 12, 2008 at 3:43 pm
I once snorted pepper because I had a bet with my mate that your eyes didn’t pop out if you sneezed with your eyes open, I didn’t hallucinate in the slightest, if it were hallucinogenic I’m sure it’d be taxed like all fun
TheBoy · March 12, 2008 at 4:00 pm
I can safely certify that one of those is completely true, but you have to mainline it, not snort it.
The rest are complete and utter bollocks…
Grumpy B · March 12, 2008 at 5:20 pm
Megan, I was going to asked whether your history prof wanted to hold your nadgers to prove he was telling the truth ….. and then I saw the flaw in my logic.
So how did women in ancient Rome give evidence ?
Megan · March 13, 2008 at 1:07 pm
Citronella – I work with a whole gaggle of doctoral people and can assure you they only read theses under great pressure and a large amount of mind altering substance [composition of substance entirely at the discretion of the individual involved. The guy across the hall uses jelly beans]
GrumpyB – you don’t know this prof. Entirely possible he would have. The man (6 feet tall and around 130 lbs soaking wet) used to jog around the area wearing his athletic wear of choice: a sumo wrestler’s diaper. Also he had a sweater, knitted by his wife, depicting a tasteful scene of Greek buggery (you knew they were Greek because it was all in beautiful classic black silhouette).
Sewmouse · March 13, 2008 at 1:30 pm
Given the attitude of Ancient Roman Men (Who founded the vatican, remember) – I would suspect that women weren’t allowed to give evidence.
“Gianfanco Zola has three testicles and only nine toes.”
I’m suspecting some sneaky plastic surgery here…
BBC · March 13, 2008 at 6:43 pm
It seems like everyone but me is sick, I’m too frigging ornery to get sick.
john gibson · March 13, 2008 at 8:02 pm
i would like to comment but i am to lazy to fill in the fields.