Well, not Christ exactly, just a really really old man. With a bike. He might not even be religious now I think about it, so it was probably a poor choice of post title in all honesty.

Anyway.

He has been seen in and around Windsor an awful lot in the last few months, both by me and by my friends. He is very easy to spot, as he is really old, and he is always pushing a bike.

He is never actually riding it. Just pushing it along. Slowly. Which really defeats the purpose of having a bike in the first place. It is a bit like those mentals who carry dogs.

He also appears to suffer from some sort of spinal problem as he is permanently watching his front tire go around, and not paying attention to the direction in which he is headed.  I suppose it is possible he is just going round in one really big circle.

Or, as I have hypothesized, perhaps he is not the poor elderly gentleman we all assume, and in reality he is blatantly stealing bicycles right from under our very noses.

It is the perfect cover.

No-one ever suspects the old man. He is even faking spinal problems in order to ensure his face is never seen by the public. He is probably wearing a balaclava in case he ever has to look up to read a sign post.

It is lucky that I am not taking in by all this ‘elderly people don’t do crime’ bollocks, as I can see right through them and their over-zealous distribution of Werthers Originals. I see it for the misdirection it really is. Next time one of them offers you a sweet keep a close eye on your wallet.

Next time I see him I will be making a citizens arrest, and I fully expect a feature to follow in the local paper extolling my bravery in exposing a ruthless octogenarian crime syndicate.

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