My Mom was recently in a car accident. Well, she was in a car. The other driver was in charge of a bus.
She is fine though, just a bit of whiplash, a few broken ribs, some bruising etc. Nothing to explain the steep drop in the level of service I have come to expect when I recently stayed with her. I even had to make my own breakfast one morning. Disgraceful.
Whilst discussing her accident she described how the bus had changed lane and hit her head on, knocking her back thirty feet and writing off her car. She felt lucky to be alive.
“I tell you, God was looking out for me that day.”
Well no, He wasn’t really, was He? If He was looking after you, then wouldn’t He have made the bus veer in the opposite direction and miss you completely? Driving a bus into you is a pretty irresponsible way to treat one of his children. In fact, in today’s society that type of behaviour is enough to get you a pretty uncomfortable interview with Social Services.
“Why did you make the bus drive directly into one of your children?”
“Well, errr, it’s er, my mysterious ways and that?”
Of course, I did not say this to my Mom, as she worries enough about my eternal soul as it is. No need to worry her any more about my rapid descent into Hell. But really, ‘mysterious ways’ is a pretty shocking way to explain away incompetence. Can you imagine if it became the norm to use it as an excuse in other walks of life?
“Prime Minister, inflation is sky rocketing, unemployment is at an all time high, and record interest rates have pushed the housing market to the brink of collapse. What do you have to say?”
“Well, New Labour moves in mysterious ways you see.”
“Oh, right. A bit like God then?”
“Err, yes. Exactly like that.”
“Good. So long as you’re not fucking everything up.”
Of course, I could be completely wrong about all of this, and the accident was merely a way of teaching the bus driver a lesson in respecting little old Irish ladies.
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22 comments
<< Hung over
TC · February 29, 2008 at 9:32 am
Bus drivers are cunts. Sorry for the choice language, but they just are.
Erm.. yeah. That’s all I wanted to say really. Thanks.
Oh, and best wishes for a speedy recovery I am Livid’s Mum.
Lin · February 29, 2008 at 9:57 am
All best wishes to Mum. A caring son would provide her with a stronger vehicle (like a tank).
Must say, I hate most bus drivers. The minute the door closes they are off, never mind you are still beeping your bloody ticket, thus trying to rocket you to a seat at the rear of the bus. And oh,my god, try and come down the stairs without hanging on for dear life with both hands and you would probably find yourself catapaulted right to the door and out on the pavement before you can blink. Destest the buggers!
Mark · February 29, 2008 at 10:07 am
Completely agree. But I’d like to point out that I have met the ONE nice bus driver in the country, and he lives in Hull.You must understand I very rarely resort to using the bus, hence the fact that I got on the bus and realised I only had a tenner in my pocket. (it must have been soon after pay day, as I had folding money!) The bus driver in question gave me change for the said tenner without even batting an eyelid, AND thanked me!!!!
Mark · February 29, 2008 at 10:09 am
Oh, and I hope your Mum gets better and is back to making you your breakfast soon!
keef · February 29, 2008 at 10:15 am
Well in your Mum’s case God could at least try and pin the blame on the bus driver’s free will.
Even stranger are those people who claim God was looking out for them when they survive storms or earthquakes or such like rather than asking the question
Why did God do it and bump off thousands of other people ?
Sewmouse · February 29, 2008 at 10:54 am
Here’s to hoping Angry Mum is feeling better soon so she can take proper care of her darling boy.
You do realize that if you lived in the Litigious States of America that you and Mum and the rest of the family would be riding the bus at no charge for the rest of eternity, yah?
Mujja · February 29, 2008 at 11:41 am
religeon and politics…inextricably linked…in both cases ours is not to reason why….spooky isn’t it?
Alibags · February 29, 2008 at 12:19 pm
What’s with the “Mom”? Is your spell checker set to American?
Glammer · February 29, 2008 at 12:37 pm
You’d think somebody who’d seen a programme about quantum mechanics would understand the concept of moving in mysterious ways, what with the all-encompassing universality being what religious folk refer to as God, and geeks refer to as The Force, but sensible people for whom science is not a dirty word know as string theory.
Hallelujah.
Admin comment by Mr Angry · February 29, 2008 at 12:56 pm
Unfortunately my Mom (sic) is completely non-litigious, and does not want to cause a fuss, so any injury payment will be small, I am sure.
And it is ‘Mom’ due to my upbringing in a half-brummie, half-Irish household…
Glammer – Do not mistake ‘watching’ and ‘understanding’…
Z · February 29, 2008 at 1:00 pm
No, no, you’ve got it all wrong. God never promised to stop shit happening, belief in God helps you to cope when they have. Your mother feels lucky, because she believes God saved her life. You’d feel resentful that the accident happened because you believe in a Nanny God.
Anna · February 29, 2008 at 1:12 pm
So if you’re half Brummie and half Irish, why do you sound like Alan Partridge?
Shambo's revenge · February 29, 2008 at 1:32 pm
‘Mom’?
gnarlyswine · February 29, 2008 at 1:35 pm
shouldnt it be part way between me mam (or mooothhhaaaa), and me maaaaaaaaaaarrrrrrrr then?
Ldbug · February 29, 2008 at 2:09 pm
Well, glad to hear your mom’s OK. Hopefully the mysterious ways will result in a large payout from the bus company even though she isn’t asking for much. Maybe some of that mysterious payout would result in a lavish breakfast….
xl · February 29, 2008 at 2:21 pm
As a replacement vehicle, get her a very large SUV. In case of another accident, she can give the other vehicle a good bashing.
gnarlyswine · February 29, 2008 at 5:56 pm
I can testify too that. Reversed my escape – not a very big SUV into a merc C class in my parking lot at work. $3500 damage to the mercedes (for a microscopic bump on the front quarterpanel that apparently required the entire car to be dissasembled and shipped back to germany). Zero damage to my kensington tractor – the insurers have sent investigators out twice to check for damage to my car as they cant quite figure out the discrepancy. The Police who had to file a report as the cost is over a certain value couldnt believe and told the owner as much.
Its quite easy – mercedes, and mercedes dealerships are c***s.
How I laughed when the same happened to her on two more occasions.
melanie · February 29, 2008 at 7:03 pm
ha!!! yea. let them explain away inflation, over spending, and extortion as a mysterious happening.
love the metaphor. stoopit bus drivers. arggg. glad your mum is ok though.
skinnyskinny · February 29, 2008 at 9:19 pm
It should definitely be Mom. Angry is confused. Bless.
Four Dinners · February 29, 2008 at 9:27 pm
New Labour have held the belief that they are Gods for some time. (The Deity of your choice) help us if the fuckers are immortal although they at least don’t think they’re immortal as they are ensuring massive pensions for themselves which suggests old age and, eventually, death.
It can’t come soon enough for those bastards.
Four Dinners · February 29, 2008 at 9:28 pm
Glad yer mums ok by the way. So’s mine sadly.
BBC · March 2, 2008 at 12:02 pm
She did get lucky, but it had nothing to do with any god. Just a monkey driving a bus on a planet of chaos of random events.