As I have mentioned, the reason I have listed so many things on eBay is to empty a flat I am about to sell. The alternative was to pay someone to take the items away, or give them away on something like Freecycle.
This way, I at least get to make some money whilst getting rid of items that have to be disposed of in the next few weeks anyway.
One item I listed was a collapsible dining table. Like everything else, I listed it with no reserve just to get rid of it. Unlike all my other items, there was no last minute bidding frenzy to get me off.
In the end, the item was won by the one and only bidder.
For 99p.
Do not get me wrong. I had planned to either give it away, or pay someone to take it away, so in reality receiving a pound is actually quite good. But still. I feel a little bit cheated that someone has got it so cheaply.
After arranging a mutually acceptable pick up time, I drove to my old flat (using about a pounds worth of petrol on the way) to meet the buyer.
He was pleasant enough, and after exchanging pleasantries we made our way to the lounge so he could collect the table.
“Hmmm. It is a slightly different colour to the photo online.” he commented.
“Is it? It is the same table I assure you, this is not some complex hoax where I have hidden the real table and replaced it with one a slightly different shade of mahogany. That would be a rubbish practical joke. There are no hidden cameras, I promise.”
“It also needs a good clean.”
“Well, the flat has been empty for a few months, it’s a bit of dust that’s all.”
“I’ll have to give it a good clean when I get home, which I hadn’t planned to.”
“Riiight.” I said, anticipating what was coming next.
“Would you take a bit less for it then?”
I was clearly in the presence an A-grade pikey, the sort of person I fortunately have little experience in dealing with. In my career I have negotiated multi-million dollar contracts with some of the largest banks in the world, and yet here I was playing hard ball with an eBay nutter over a mere ninety-nine fucking pence.
I briefly considered bartering with him like you do in those north African markets where the traders try and sell you all manner of useless tat for your tourist dollar, and then get offended if you do not at least try and negotiate the price or offer your girlfriend in part exchange. Then I thought better of it. I was not in the mood.
“No. No I will not take a bit less for it. You are already getting it for LESS THAN A POUND. If you don’t want to pay a pound for it, fine. I would rather give it away than let you have it for less than a pound.”
“Fair enough, you can’t blame a guy for trying.”
Well no, you can actually. You can blame him for being an almighty miser who has shown himself to be tighter than a spandex clad Vanessa Feltz.
I might be over a hundred pounds up over all, but I am having serious doubts as to whether selling my flat contents via eBay was really worth the hassle.
No tags
Cliff · February 21, 2008 at 8:41 am
I’ll give you 60p.
Brennig · February 21, 2008 at 8:43 am
I am sitting here in a state of horror, squirming uncomfortably at the thought of a spandex clad Vanessa Feltz.
You are a sick puppy.
sooz · February 21, 2008 at 9:09 am
Omg! I would’ve chopped it up into matchsticks in front of his very eyes! What a tosser!
StokeySiren · February 21, 2008 at 9:22 am
I freecycle stuff because I worry about landfill sites etc but it also can be so surprising when people actually want you to wash or dust your old tut – shocking!
GeorgeC · February 21, 2008 at 9:23 am
you should have taken his 99p and then given him a good square kick in the noots! Although I’m sure eBay probably have a policy somewhere that states you shall not advertise a collapsible dining table and then provide a square kick in the noots… damn eBay think of everything!
Keef · February 21, 2008 at 9:31 am
I’m with Brennig on this one Angry, a Spandex clad Vanessa Feltz is not a mental image that any normal man wants bouncing about inside his head ,that way lies only madness.
As anyone ever used this Freecycle?, if we can’t sell stuff via eBay or the local rag, the next option is usually give it away to the rest of the tribe, we have plenty of nieces and nephews eager for a handout and anything my relatives turn their nose up at is usually fit only for the tip anyway, I’ve never tried giving stuff to complete strangers.
Al · February 21, 2008 at 9:52 am
You should have done your bit for Global Warming and burned it! Oh and welcome to Ebay, you meet some great people but you also meet a lot of twats. The only real winner is Ebay.
fourstar · February 21, 2008 at 9:56 am
“I would rather give it away than let you have it for less than a pound.”
But you did. You sold it to him for 99p.
*flees*
Oli · February 21, 2008 at 10:00 am
I like freecycle, I gave away some cardboard boxes and got a tv.
FJ · February 21, 2008 at 10:41 am
Freecycle is great when you need cheering up – just advertise your old unwanted tat on freecycle and you get loads of emails from people telling you all their problems and why they are so deserving of your old tat. It’s a bit like a bidding war only with hardships – I see their unemployed slacker of a husband and raise you my disabled child whose life will be completely changed by the arrival of your knackered old ikea sofabed. Hours of laughs.
StokeySiren · February 21, 2008 at 10:42 am
Freecycling is an extreme sport and very scary at times but alas it is the law in Hackney.
Jaggy · February 21, 2008 at 12:01 pm
I gave away a large wooden garden furniture set on freebay to who I thought was the most deserving sucker, then they had the cheek to ask for it to be delivered as they don’t have a car.
Fuck off!
Jo · February 21, 2008 at 12:36 pm
OOh…a 99p sale…along with a what 35p listing fee…? I make that 64p profit. Good work.
After years of clearing my wardrobe for exactly the same reasons – to make space and earn money from things that could get chucked – I can assure you that no, it’s not worth the effort. Well, it is as long as you never work out the actual profit after listing fees are all taken care of.
gnarlyswine · February 21, 2008 at 1:27 pm
uhh – reserve price?
Lin · February 21, 2008 at 1:35 pm
God, the thought of spandex father of Vanessa made me quite queasy!
Try going to Battersea bootsale at the tech college. Quite sure you could even get a price for a 2-legged table there.
robram · February 21, 2008 at 2:31 pm
Most people begin by selling a CD on eBay, Mr A. Fair play to you for starting big
Four Dinners · February 21, 2008 at 2:38 pm
I once bought a subbuteo heavyweight 70’s team for £12 under the impression it was Derby County. It turned out to be The United Kingdom – they had green socks. I resold it on e-bay for £150. I missed your table or I would have bid £1.50 providing you cleaned it.
Melissaria · February 21, 2008 at 2:43 pm
You’re very funny. 10 years ago, ebay was a great online jumble sale, but it’s too professional now; there’s no room for the small seller and their old shit anymore. At least with freecycle, you don’t have to wait a week,watching the bids refuse to move, wrap or post the stuff, or risk it coming back to you because they weren’t happy when it arrived. Once you build in your normal hourly rate to your ebay profits, you soon realise that giving stuff away is actually more profitable. Even if it does offer pikeys the chance to recce your house (ALWAYS meet them at the door…)
Salvadore Vincent · February 21, 2008 at 4:22 pm
I hope he got his 1p change.
Admin comment by Mr Angry · February 21, 2008 at 4:55 pm
Cliff – Welcome back, and piss off.
Brinnig – Imagine how I felt typing it.
Sooz – You have to be nice (very hard for me) due to the god-awful eBay feedback system. I’d never sell anything again if he slagged me off.
Stokeysiren – The nearest landfill to here is miles away, so it doesn’t bother me.
GeorgeC – See reply to Sooz!
Keef – Not used freecycle…yet.
Al – I owe eBay over SEVEN POUNDS already!
fourstar – alright smartarse…
Oli – Black and white I assume?
Jaggy – I am slowly learning there are some exceptionally cheeky fuckers out there.
Jo – that is almost 20% of a pint of Guinness, so there!
gnarly – That cost more, so I avoid it.
Lin – I went to a carboot sale many years ago, and it reminded me of that scene in Total Recall when Arnie goes underground and meets all the freaks.
robram – It is the only way to go.
FD – There seem to be a lot of people getting rich on eBay and I just can not see how…
Mellisaria – It is hard to bring a washing machine and sofa to the door. They have to come over the threshold unfortunately.
Salvadore – Oh yes, not only that, but he made me SIGN the eBay invoice in case of payment dispute!!
glammer · February 21, 2008 at 7:43 pm
I bet he was actually casing your joint to rob you of whatever’s left.
How much do you want for the spandex?
Badger · February 22, 2008 at 1:54 am
IT’S A FUCKING POSSUM.
B.
F16’s Don’t Kill People, 500 Lb. Bombs Kill People :: Mr. Angry Is My Mother :: February :: 2008 · February 22, 2008 at 4:10 am
[...] you’re not reading, I Am Livid; you should be-he’s my mother, reincarnated. Well, without the blonde hair, big earrings and [...]
Vikki · February 22, 2008 at 10:19 pm
That just makes me cringe.
Cliff · February 23, 2008 at 11:24 pm
All right: fifty.
Cliff · February 23, 2008 at 11:25 pm
LOL (50!)
Vicola · February 25, 2008 at 8:46 am
If you’re going to go selling your flat contents on e-bay then you need to practice your “Are you fucking joking you tight assed scrubber” stare because you are going to encounter the pikeyest, scruffiest, chav tightwads that this country has to offer.
And by the way, thanks very much for the mental you have just left me with – Vanessa Feltz in spandex. Wrong, very very wrong.