As I have mentioned, the reason I have listed so many things on eBay is to empty a flat I am about to sell. The alternative was to pay someone to take the items away, or give them away on something like Freecycle.

This way, I at least get to make some money whilst getting rid of items that have to be disposed of in the next few weeks anyway.

One item I listed was a collapsible dining table. Like everything else, I listed it with no reserve just to get rid of it. Unlike all my other items, there was no last minute bidding frenzy to get me off.

In the end, the item was won by the one and only bidder.

For 99p.

Do not get me wrong. I had planned to either give it away, or pay someone to take it away, so in reality receiving a pound is actually quite good. But still. I feel a little bit cheated that someone has got it so cheaply.

After arranging a mutually acceptable pick up time, I drove to my old flat (using about a pounds worth of petrol on the way) to meet the buyer.

He was pleasant enough, and after exchanging pleasantries we made our way to the lounge so he could collect the table.

“Hmmm. It is a slightly different colour to the photo online.” he commented.

“Is it? It is the same table I assure you, this is not some complex hoax where I have hidden the real table and replaced it with one a slightly different shade of mahogany. That would be a rubbish practical joke. There are no hidden cameras, I promise.”

“It also needs a good clean.”

“Well, the flat has been empty for a few months, it’s a bit of dust that’s all.”

“I’ll have to give it a good clean when I get home, which I hadn’t planned to.”

“Riiight.” I said, anticipating what was coming next.

“Would you take a bit less for it then?”

I was clearly in the presence an A-grade pikey, the sort of person I fortunately have little experience in dealing with. In my career I have negotiated multi-million dollar contracts with some of the largest banks in the world, and yet here I was playing hard ball with an eBay nutter over a mere ninety-nine fucking pence.

I briefly considered bartering with him like you do in those north African markets where the traders try and sell you all manner of useless tat for your tourist dollar, and then get offended if you do not at least try and negotiate the price or offer your girlfriend in part exchange. Then I thought better of it. I was not in the mood.

“No. No I will not take a bit less for it. You are already getting it for LESS THAN A POUND. If you don’t want to pay a pound for it, fine. I would rather give it away than let you have it for less than a pound.”

“Fair enough, you can’t blame a guy for trying.”

Well no, you can actually. You can blame him for being an almighty miser who has shown himself to be tighter than a spandex clad Vanessa Feltz.

I might be over a hundred pounds up over all, but I am having serious doubts as to whether selling my flat contents via eBay was really worth the hassle.

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