“So it wakes you, just like that, with no noise at all?” I ask, incredulously.

“Exactly, no noise at all, just daylight.”

My mate Stan is trying to convince me that his alarm clock, which is basically just a big light on a timer, wakes him up better than his old traditional alarm clock. This is obviously complete and utter bollocks.

Everybody knows that the best way to get up in the morning is to set your alarm on your mobile phone as loud as possible and then throw it to the other side of the room. Then, when the incessant bleeping begins, you start hunting around in the dark, and by the time you find it, you want to kill to death the CEO of Nokia, so the last thing on your mind is getting back into bed.

“Apparently it’s something to do with our natural bio-rhythms. Our bodies are designed to be woken by light, not alarm clocks.”

Now he was talking complete shit. It is common knowledge that humans need at least six hours sleep, you only have to look at that complex sleep deprivation experiment they did with Margaret Thatcher to see what a lack of sleep can do to a person and a country.

If what he says is true then Scandinavian cave men would have been getting up at 3am every day in the summer (what a pain in the arse that would be, after all, there is only so much time you can spend drawing spears and buffalos on cave walls) and conversely, they would be up just in time for Football Focus in the winter.

Evolution has granted us the ability to design tools which can rip us so violently from our dreams, with noises so annoying, that you want to rip off your own ears. So we should obviously make full use of them.

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