At my local gym the new year resolutionists are now slowly drifting away, thankfully. But two guys in particular, who almost seem joined at the hip, have stayed.

They are unusual amongst the resolutionists in that they were not carrying a few extra stones worth of various turkey-based delicacies when they joined. In fact, they did not look like they needed to go to the gym at all.

On the occasions I have seen them, they have been distinctive in their dress. One guy wears a white vest, white tracksuit bottoms and white trainers. The other wear a black vest, black tracksuit bottoms and black trainers.

Oh, and the guy all in white is, well, a white guy, and the other is black.

It is almost like one of them had a life-size photo taken of themselves and the negative came to life and started stalking them at the gym. They look completely and utterly fucking ridiculous.

I have been so tempted to go up to them and say, “Hey, I see what you did there, what with you being the ‘white’ one, and you being the ‘black’ one. No-one will ever get you mixed up now. Right on!” but talking to two men dressed like that in a gym is not the done thing for a straight guy, plus I do not want to get accused of inciting racial hatred or get beaten to within and inch of my life.

Do not think I am being racist. I am not. I would poke just as much fun if I saw a Chinese person all in yellow, or a Scot all in blue.

I do wonder if they planned their outfits for the first time they visited the gym, or if they consider it a lucky coincidence that they have now decided to perpetuate. Whatever it is, they show no signs of adopting what you or I might consider more acceptable gym attire.

So, if they are still in attendance when the summer months come round I will spend more time outside so I can don a brown vest, tracksuit and trainers, and join their gang of absolutely positively non-racist gym-goers.

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