I like to think of myself as a man of the world. Someone who is willing to accept the individual tastes of people very different to himself.
However, there are a number of pastimes, hobbies and activities which leave me completely baffled as to their levels of popularity. I simply fail to see even the slightest attraction in them, and sometimes, normally in the wee small hours, I wonder if it is just me that does not get it?
Or maybe I am completely right, as usual, and what I am witnessing is really just a case of the Emperors new clothes?
Take the opera for example. I have been once. I went to watch Puccini’s Madam Butterfly in an open air amphitheatre in Verona (that is in Italy for the heathens among you). It was a beautiful summers evening, and I have been told by opera aficionados that this should have been a truly life changing experience, yet I was bored rigid. It was the night of a thousand years as far as I was concerned.
I will grant you that some of Puccini’s songs are good, but I’d rather listen to the CD to be honest. People will try and tell you that opera ‘is about the drama though’, but you only have to flick to the back of the programme to see how it ends. You don’t get that at the local multiplex when you go to see the new Will Smith film. Plus it was all in Italian.
Another pastime I fail to understand peoples affection for, is horse racing. The sport of Kings? Well no, in reality it is a sport based on running races for really big dogs ridden by men in tight-fitting brightly coloured silk outfits. It is all a little bit homo erotic for my tastes. So thanks, but I’m really not interested.
And finally, topiary. The ‘art’ (and I use the term extremely loosely) of fashioning farmyard animals out of hedges. Really. People spend actual real cash money on getting people to turn their bushes into a cocks. An utter waste of time and effort as far as I can see.
Is there anything you just don’t get?
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37 comments
<< The repair
Lin · January 29, 2008 at 8:47 am
I just don’t get people who don’t like horse racing. What a wonderful day out-your own box with mates, right near the winning post, lots to eat and drink and stagger along every now and then to place a bet and honestly when the Arab in the helicopter lands and he and entourage use the next door box and stay for only 1 race and then heli out again just make sure you put your bet on the Godolfin horses and hey presto, a winner!
That apart, just don’t see the fun in 11 men(?)kicking a ball around and occasionally falling over and crying!!
The other thing is guys who can’t make a decent cup of tea………..
Oli · January 29, 2008 at 8:50 am
Big brother, why is it still being made?
eetee · January 29, 2008 at 8:59 am
How about wearing football kit when not playing, being a walking advert, and paying to carry someone’s advert on their chest.
Then there’s
Winding down the passenger window when playing crap music on the car wireless?
et
Anna · January 29, 2008 at 9:29 am
I don’t get why men stand whilst peeing in the HOUSE. It’s a toilet, not a tree. Just because you can doesn’t mean you should. Toilets are designed to be sat on. Next time you’re sat on the loo just check out all the small sticky yellow dots around you. It’s pee. Pee hits the water, splashes up and out and sticks itself to your walls and floor. It’s disgusting, it stinks, it’s unhygienic and it DRIVES ME MAD!
SIT!!!!
Rant over – thank you
peach · January 29, 2008 at 9:30 am
NO it’s not THE Opera, it’s Opera. And that sounds like it could have been the most amazing night out, didn’t you even like it for the basic, music on a gorgeous summer’s night in italy thing? wow… you are missing out there, but the others, I’m with you…
.. oh and yeah, big brother
Celeste · January 29, 2008 at 9:39 am
I don’t get illogical people. You know ones that stop right outside a shop entrance as if there is some invisable force field that only they can’t pass. Mums with pushchairs that stand in the middle of the shopping aisle chatting to their fellow friend who also has a pushchair, so you can’t get past and when you say very politely even though they are in the wrong they look at you as if you’ve just spray painted their fuck trophies (babies).
Lolita · January 29, 2008 at 9:57 am
Limiting myself to hobbies (rather than general behaviour I just don’t get), it’s got to be baking your own bread.
Ok, so it makes the house smell quite nice and the smug feeling inside is probably more delicious that the bread itself, but why? It’s cheaper in the shops and less likely to be shit. Bored housewives should stick to traditional hobbies, like fucking the gardener.
Brennig · January 29, 2008 at 10:05 am
I’m with Lin – horse-racing is excellent. I speak as someone who has just trousered £140 courtesy of the half-brother of one of my own horses. Bless.
Waste of space things though… the list is long. It begins with football and ends with gridiron – or American Football if one prefers – (which simply must be the biggest waste of time, space and money that the universe has ever seen, and also includes baseball!).
Mr Angry · January 29, 2008 at 10:06 am
Lin – You do not need to be at the horse racing to do all those things… I note you make no mention of the actual enjoyment of the race?
Oli – It is still being made?!?
eetee – I have a retro football shirt with no sponsors, it is from 1981. Is that allowed?
Anna – Long time readers will know that I am a strong advocate of the sit-down wee. Especially when hungover.
Peach – Like I said, nice songs and that, but why all the other palaver?
Celeste – I have got some fuck trophies, but even more runner-up medals.
Lolita – The same could be said for all cooking I guess? Usually by those of us that can’t, well, ‘cook’.
Mr Angry · January 29, 2008 at 10:07 am
Brennig – It sounds to me like the excellent thing you are describing is ‘making money’. Not the actual racing. If horse racing when amateur overnight and betting was stopped, would people still like it?
StokeyPerson · January 29, 2008 at 10:09 am
Doris’s Crack at the Tate.And the arty chin rubbers stood looking at it. It’s a crack in the ground!
Keef · January 29, 2008 at 10:24 am
Want a list ?
So called Modern Art, why the f*ck would people pay money to look at an unmade bed?
if you want to do that come and look at my daughter’s bedroom, I’ll include a cuppa in the
admission price or how about paintings that look like they’ve been done by a drunken chimp.
People who spent 10 mins driving around supermarket car parks looking for a space 10 ft from the entrance to save themselves a 2 min walk
Opera I don’t get it either, how the f*ck can there be Drama if you can’t understand what the bastards are saying.
People who think that if they ask you the same question over and over again the answer will eventually change.
Give me an hour and I’ll think of more.
Lin · January 29, 2008 at 10:26 am
Tate Modern is a total waste of time, money and space. Try La Chapelle in Paris instead. Now there’s art!
Jo · January 29, 2008 at 10:39 am
I don’t get people who shoot or kill animals (that is living things) for ’sport’.
Don’t get me wrong, I’m an omnivore and so I ‘get’ that animals have to be killed and some, like game and deer, that are effectively wild need to be shot; but surely that’s a necessary unpleasantness to be got through rather than an enjoyable experience?
I’ve been on survivial courese and everything and have had to kill what I’ve eaten, but I didn’t enjoy it, it wasn’t a pleasant way to spend a Saturday afternoon, for goodness sake!!! I had to do it if I wanted to eat.
I especially don’t get corporate shooting days; after all, you don’t get corporate trips to the abbatoir, do you?
Grrrrr….
On the other hand I do get some satisfaction from destroying cockroaches, especially since I have one fall on me whilst sleeping once years ago in a very dodgy part of Egypt. If they had graves, I’d be dancing on them..however, that’s perfectly understandable in my view.
StokeyPerson · January 29, 2008 at 10:40 am
The bar is good there – no riff raff
StokeyPerson · January 29, 2008 at 10:46 am
I wouldn’t mind shooting those artist’s that take the piss – I wouldn’t eat them though.
rob · January 29, 2008 at 11:27 am
Skiing! OK, so I’ve never been, but I can’t see the point in hurtling down a mountain on two pieces of wood (or possibly some polymer nowadays) with the likelihood that you’ll break a part of your body.
On top of that, you have to wear masses of clothing to do it – where’s the fun in that? Give me swimming any day of the week!
Ellie · January 29, 2008 at 11:29 am
umm people who ‘need’ the latest wotsit just because they saw one in heat or whatever crappy magazine they read – well i say read…
oh an crappy magazines that are more adverts than decent journalism…
Mujja · January 29, 2008 at 11:58 am
Cricket!!!…the tedium is unendureable…not to mention the blow by blow accounts….I cannot for the life of me understand a “sport” that goes on for days and where the players are fed a number of meals throughout to keep thier weight up….they don’t even get enough exercise to necessitate the need to wear sports clothes…arrrggghhh!!!
GH · January 29, 2008 at 12:32 pm
Work! I’ve never understood the need for work. They should just give me money to stay at home, or better yet, be out there enjoying the sunshine and contributing to the national economy by buying beer from pubs with gardens.
GH.
Sewmouse · January 29, 2008 at 12:45 pm
Watching Television – why would anyone want to sit like a zombie in front of a box with moving pictures? What good is a monitor without a keyboard?
Skiing – Strap 2 boards to your feet and throw yourself off the top of a mountain???????
Golf – Place little ball on ground. Hit ball with stick. Chase little ball. rinse, repeat. Why???
TheShrink · January 29, 2008 at 1:08 pm
You’ve Been Framed – it’s not funny, ever.
Keith Cheggwin – what does he do that would make me want to watch or listen to him?
Dancing on Ice – why? And why would anyone want to watch it when there’s good paint drying to watch instead?
Tennis – stop the childish playing in the grass with your bat an’ ball games, go get a proper job and do something useful instead.
gnarlyswine · January 29, 2008 at 1:36 pm
A dramatic performance of the emperors new clothes – now would that be designed to encourage people to say they dont like it?
The Iphone – its overpriced, underspecced and underuseful
Brennig – American football (I think the name should be changed to american soccer just to annoy them) does have some use – or the Superbowl any way. Its a good reason to have a BBQ and piss up – if you live in the right time zone , not sure a BBQ at 3 in the morning in the UK in winter would be much fun.
Angel · January 29, 2008 at 1:56 pm
Spiders – I seriously do not get them at all, pointless, hairy, 8 legged freaks, just waiting to jump out on the unsuspecting and give them a heart attack, or at the very least an embarrasing squealing moment in the middle of the office. Damn Them. Damn them all.
Ahem…sorry am fine now.
Totally agree re conceptual art = pile of bollocks.
xl · January 29, 2008 at 1:59 pm
Soccer. Wayne Rooney.
Eliza · January 29, 2008 at 2:23 pm
why judie from richard and judie hasn’t had an eye lift yet.
Al · January 29, 2008 at 3:15 pm
Hi Angry, Sorry I’m usually first but someone sat on my laptop, I,d rather it was my face but beggars etc! Are you reading my mind or are we joined? Opera is PANTS. It is irate Italians arguing to music.. not very well! (Can I just say.. Lesley Garret!. Have you ever wanted to garotte someone called Garret? I know I have.
HER!
Horse racing too. Stop it, you are hurting me. It is dwarfs riding, Toffs bidding and C**ts watching and losing. I would rest my case but you,ve done it for me.
Al.
skinnyskinny · January 29, 2008 at 3:35 pm
Emitting ear-piercing shrieks when someone announces they’re getting married. What’s that FOR??!! I’m female and it makes me ashamed of my sex. Gender that is. I’m not ashamed of my sex sex. Unless someone were to video it and send a copy to my relatives.
skinnyskinny · January 29, 2008 at 3:37 pm
oh yeah, and “Big Brother Celebrity Jungle Fuckwits on Ice” or whatever it’s called
Anna · January 29, 2008 at 3:57 pm
I like Wotsits, the cheesier the better num num num
Coqui · January 29, 2008 at 4:56 pm
1) Reality shows
people who get into politics
2) flavored tobacco
3) winter hats with those balls on them in the middle
4) southern accents
5) income taxes, state taxes, local taxes, retail taxes, gambling taxes, property taxes, inheritance taxes, all kinds of taxes
6) the race of Barack Obama
7) the sex of Hillary Clinton
9) condoms with ribbing
10) flavored condoms
11) lube
12) men who like broadway shows
13) women who like sports
14) people who eat chitterlings
15) gray ear hair
16) people who trim their nails in public or at work
17) comb overs
18) crooked cops
19) prostitutes with C-section scars
20) drug tests
gnarlyswine · January 29, 2008 at 5:31 pm
Dancing on ice I totaly agree.
Ice is for angry toothless men to hit each other with sticks and fight on ….. or play hockey. Or stirring Vodka, Gin, Tequila etc
Anna · January 29, 2008 at 11:03 pm
What the heck is a chitterling?
xl · January 30, 2008 at 1:53 am
Anna, you don’t want to know.
Glammer · January 30, 2008 at 9:03 am
I don’t get the people who judge reality shows and the intelligence levels of those who watch reality shows, while never having seen a reality show because they’re too busy looking down their snooty noses at everything.
Also, people who leave comments on blogs. What is it with these people?
Brennig · January 30, 2008 at 1:07 pm
Mr A: While I love transferring the value of three farrier’s visits from a bookies account to my own, it’s the spectacle of the thing. Sitting on top of over 16 hands at more than 30mph is a thrill equal to flying faster than the speed of sound at 50′ above ground level.
I’ll ignore the fact that Al seems to be calling me a c**t. The last yob who did that needed a trip to A&E.
Mr Angry · January 30, 2008 at 2:02 pm
Brennig – That’s another thing I don’t get. Why is a horse measured in hands? Why can’t it be feet and inches like the rest of the Imperial world?
I have ridden a horse. On a beach. And Galloped. I may tell the story, if I haven’t already?