“Hi, This is Angry upstairs, it is fucking freezing up here, what’s wrong with the heating?” I enquire shiveringly of our IT support desk.

“Have you tried turning it off an on again?”

“Wha…”

“Sorry, just a little help desk humour there.”

“Right. The heating?”

“Oh yes, well it’s not strictly something we can fix, but it seems in the extreme cold the units outside freeze up, and so don’t provide any heat inside.”

He seemed to assume this was the end of our conversation.  For some inexplicable reason he believed this was an acceptable resolution to my enquiry.  I suddenly realised why they put IT support on a different floor and not in my line of sight.

“So when it’s cold outside, and it’s therefore at it’s most important to those of us inside, it appears to stop working?”

“Well, yes, I guess. Merry Chr…”

I hung up at this point.

I am on a mission to find the person responsible for selecting this air-conditioning / heating system, and when I do I will sit them in an ice bath at gunpoint until they go blue and shiver like a shitting dog. Or get them to fix it. One or the other.

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