I have been getting my haircut at the same place for about five years. The barbershop is owned by a sixty year old Italian character who insists on giving you alcohol when you go for a haircut. It does not matter what time of day you are there, he will offer you beer or wine and will feign offense if you eventually settle on a coffee.

The highlight for me is getting my hair washed. There are a couple of young Polish girls who give the best head massages, which is something I had never experienced before getting my haircut there. Getting my hair washed by a fit woman is the second most enjoyable thing I can do with a woman in two and a half minutes. However, I do still remember the first time I went in and they asked if I wanted a wash.

“I only washed it this morning, it’s perfectly fucking clean you cheeky twat!”

Oh how we laugh about that now. Getting a wash from one of the Polish girls is now part of my routine whenever I get a haircut.

Anyway, I went in to get a haircut last week, during the mid afternoon, a time I do not normally go. The Polish girls were conspicuous by their absence.

“I’ll have to wash your hair as the girls are at lunch.” said the guy who cuts my hair, nonchalantly.

This was disappointing in the extreme. I am very confident in my sexuality, but I really did not want to have my hair washed by a man. It is just not the same. Plus, if I liked it, it would probably make me about 10% gay, and I do not want to get bummed on thirty six and a half days a year.

My dilemma was in whether or not to voice my concerns. I did not want to offend the barber, as he is very good at cutting my hair (which he does whilst we talk about football and other perfectly heterosexual things). Also, barbers and hairdressers are in that small segment of service industry professionals that you really should avoid offending before they have performed their service for you. They are right up there with chefs and prostitutes.

So I let him wash my hair whilst I kept my eyes wide open and did my utmost to cover all of the days sports news with him.

From now on I will always do at least one walk-by to ensure the Poles are on duty.

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