“I think I have a phobia, but I don’t know what it’s called.” said Fat Jim as we sat in the pub awaiting the arrival of some other people.
“What of?” I asked, glancing longingly at the front door of the pub.
“Being stabbed.”
“That’s not a phobia you fuckwit. Phobias are irrational fears, you only have a phobia if you are scared of something for which there is no reasonable reason to be fearful. It’s perfectly normal to be scared of being stabbed to death, millions of years of evolution have made you that way. I’m scared of being stabbed to death.”
“So there’s no such thing as stabophobia?”
“No.”
“What if I was scared of being stabbed…by a spider. At the top of a tall building. Whilst surrounded by snakes.”
“Then that’s a perfectly normal phobia.”
“Thank God. I thought I was going mad for a minute.”
“Shut up and get the beers in.”
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Ben · November 30, 2007 at 9:30 am
First!
*stab*
Ben · November 30, 2007 at 9:34 am
for a straight week you should watch Alfred Hitchcock movies with Fat Jim, shop for new steak knife sets, and pass on articles from the paper about victims of recent stabbings to see what happens to Jimmy’s non-phobia.
Oli · November 30, 2007 at 9:39 am
Get an old punchbag and start stabbing it just as Fat Jim enters the room, better yet start making some Hannibal Lecter like comments
Jaggy · November 30, 2007 at 10:55 am
I know a weirdo who’s got a phobia of moths, yep, those little grey butterflies. It’s fun to open the windows on a dark summers evening and watch them flood in. He runs like a big girl. Funny, for us.
TJ · November 30, 2007 at 12:25 pm
Did you have to threaten him a knife point to get the beers in?
The Inky Thinker · November 30, 2007 at 1:41 pm
Poor Fat Jim.
He gets far too much abuse.
Lin · November 30, 2007 at 1:56 pm
Perfect prezzie for Fat Jim from Santa – stab vest.
Peach · November 30, 2007 at 2:54 pm
I thought the only thing fat people were scared of was exercise
Jo · November 30, 2007 at 3:31 pm
I feel a trip to the joke shop coming on… one rubber snake and a spider, please… muahahhaa.
clarissa · November 30, 2007 at 4:46 pm
Agree with Inky. Poor fat Jim.
And Peach made me laugh.
Mr Farty · November 30, 2007 at 4:57 pm
Roughagophobia – fear of salad.
Four Dinners · December 1, 2007 at 1:17 am
As long as he doesn’t get a ‘get the beers in’ phobia you can keep him in tow
melanie · December 3, 2007 at 11:10 pm
does fat jim have his own blog?
stabbed by spiders is good. snakes? I don’t see the connection.