I am currently a man of leisure which means I have been eating a lot of toast and drinking a lot of tea. In order to spice things up a bit, and keep it interesting, I have taken to putting cheese on top of the toast (Irish mature cheddar if you are interested).
This has meant some limited interaction with the grill that is part of my oven unit. It is hot. Really really fucking hot. I know this after catching the back of my hand on it whilst removing my delicious cheese on toast. It made me use swear words that have not even been made up yet.
Why do burns hurt so much? Don’t get me wrong, I understand the evolutionary imperative for pain, and it being used to prevent us doing things that could harm us. Which is probably why you never see cave drawings of cavemen with cheese toasties. But why do they hurt so much? And for so long?
I have broken bones, dislocated things, grazed things, pulled things and been kicked in the nads on more than one occasion. All of which hurt. But none of which hurt for as long and as intensely as a burn.
What is mother nature trying to tell us? That grilling cheese on toast is more dangerous than falling down the stairs or being hit in the knackers by the shoe of a former loved one?
Because that is what I am assuming at the moment.
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pesk · November 21, 2007 at 9:28 am
A burn is a pointless injury as it is almost always caused by a very stupid carelessness… that is why it hurts so much and makes a person swear so much. Don’t put butter on it.
You pillock.
eetee · November 21, 2007 at 9:29 am
Shame the grill doesn’t come with a safety switch to test. Now you know what it’s like if it did and it failed!
Anyway. Cheese on toast is the food of the gods, and they like to remind us once in a while…
Duck · November 21, 2007 at 9:45 am
It’s worse when you burn yourself with the melted cheese, which seems to weld itself to your skin. No dairy product should inflict that level of pain.
Jimmy Page's Trousers · November 21, 2007 at 9:50 am
You either have over-sensitive, girl hands or under-sensitive nads.
Jimmy Page's Trousers · November 21, 2007 at 9:51 am
Interestingly, I just noticed that one of your Google ads has the heading “Groin Pain Treatment”.
My adding this comment has probably ensured that it will appear more frequently too.
Oli · November 21, 2007 at 9:52 am
I sometimes put butter on my cheese on toast, I suggest we get Phil to find an indepth weebsite on making cheese on toast, or welsh rarebit if you want to get swanky.
TOWTAL · November 21, 2007 at 9:54 am
Fire/heat is more painful than physical force, because the Devil is applying it. The pain of a burn is to help your prepare for your days burning in hell, which would be a little harsh since you’re generally a good mate.
Oli · November 21, 2007 at 9:55 am
I got Kids Burns Claims Experts, co-incidence?
The Inky Thinker · November 21, 2007 at 10:35 am
Apparently “Branding” is getting funky now with “da kidz”. I think they get names and pictures though burnt into their flesh, although maybe grill marks will grow in popularity.
Did your seared flesh smell like pork?
TheBoy · November 21, 2007 at 11:25 am
I want to hear the swear words that haven’t been made up yet. Go one then…
Mr Farty · November 21, 2007 at 11:36 am
I got Cafe-Style Sandwich Press.
Perhaps you could test the safety switch on that, then sue them for your inevitable injuries?
Eliza · November 21, 2007 at 11:57 am
i know something that hurts more… standing on a plug with socks on.
Admin comment by Mr Angry · November 21, 2007 at 12:42 pm
eetee – Hello. You are right, it is severely lacking in safety features, especially for someone as safety conscious as me.
TOWTAL – Hmmm. You are possibly right about Hell, but I have a theory to guarantee my entry into heaven (if there is one), I might share that on here actually now you have reminded me.
Inky Thinker – Hello. I bet they immediately regret that decision…
Eliza – I have done that and it did not hurt that much. Oh, you didn’t mean butt plug did you…?
Brom · November 21, 2007 at 1:10 pm
Next time don’t use Irish Mature just do it Carphilly.
Brom · November 21, 2007 at 1:11 pm
Of course I mean Caerphilly (Idiot Brom)
Brom · November 21, 2007 at 1:12 pm
or meant even.
Bloody hell.
Sheppitsgal · November 21, 2007 at 2:05 pm
Have you been sacked?
Admin comment by Mr Angry · November 21, 2007 at 2:10 pm
Brom – the secret to good comedy, is delivery. Thank you for the illustration…
Sheppitsgal – No! I am ill!!
The Girl · November 21, 2007 at 3:37 pm
I think the agonising response to burns is to remind us humans never to cook naked, because that is very, very dangerous and quite, quite painful.
I speak from experience, trust me on this.
Grumpy B · November 21, 2007 at 3:47 pm
Hmmmm … burnt gonads?
On toast?
No thank you.
Oli · November 21, 2007 at 4:11 pm
Why would a plug wear socks?
Admin comment by Mr Angry · November 21, 2007 at 5:55 pm
The Girl – Finally. A decent explanation of the why your Hell’s Kitchen audition went so badly…
sooz · November 21, 2007 at 9:51 pm
It’s to remind you that your fingers belong to a Higher Being and it’s a wrist-slap for trying to injure them in a posh paper shredder!
Deadbeat Dad · November 22, 2007 at 7:19 am
I’m more interested to know what you did to warrant getting ‘hit in the knackers by the shoe of a former loved one’…
Sheppitsgal · November 22, 2007 at 1:49 pm
Oops – sorry for thinking you might have been sacked.
However, I can’t believe you are still malingering with your lymph glands, you big wussy girls blouse!
Feel better soon – kisses x
Debster · November 23, 2007 at 9:49 am
Caution – product may be hot after heating.