I receive an email.

It is from my friend Blondie, who I have mentioned before.

“Hello. I have just found out that if you buy eggs from the supermarket and put them in the oven they won’t turn into chickens. I have believed this for 31 years.”

I stare at the screen.

Sometimes I wonder if she writes this stuff deliberately to entertain, but people are already responding to ridicule her.

“But I always thought eggs were made when two chickens had sex, and that you had to keep them in the fridge to stop them hatching. I’ve only just learned that the eggs aren’t fertilised.”

The hole continues to deepen, and I weep inside for the UK education system.

At times like this we have a choice to make. Do we stand up for the damsel in distress, and point out that this was an easy mistake to make and that we should all leave her alone.

Or do we join in?

The continuing dialogue went something like this.

“That is not strictly true Blondie. Do you buy factory eggs or free range eggs?”

“Free range, as it’s nicer to the chickens aparently.”

“Well, with factory eggs they can keep the cocks and hens apart, so the eggs aren’t fertilised, but when they are free range they can go off and have sex whenever they like. And everyone knows chickens are second only rabbits and hotel heiresses in the nympho stakes. If you buy free range eggs the chances are that ALL of your eggs are fertilised.”

“But why haven’t they hatched into baby chickens?”

“That is a good question, and I don’t feel fully qualified to answer, but if you have some free range eggs that have not been in the fridge for the more than a day and they don’t look like hatching, I suggest you take them straight to the Vet. It would be cruel to do anything else.”

I am waiting with baited breath for the next installment.

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