As I dried myself after having a shower I noticed the big A4-sized sign next the sink.

“Do your bit…” It began in large, bold letters.

“Each year the hotel industry wastes millions of litres of water and many tons of detergent on the unnecessary cleaning of towels. You can help us to help the environment by putting the towels that require cleaning in the bath, and those you can use again onto the towel rail. That way we can both help to reduce environmentally damaging waste.”

I had to hold the A4 laminated notice, made from actual previously alive trees, at a strange angle in order to read it. This was due to the seven spotlights burning down on me from the bathroom ceiling, and the eight further spotlights glaring at me from the circumference of my two meter square heated mirror. I had to continue reading it in the bedroom as the underfloor heating was a little on the warm side for my delicate toes.

I contemplated this gesture on the part of the hotel as I lay back on the freshly starched sheets of my bed, well technically it was my spare bed, as I had two doubles to choose from, despite booking a single room.

I picked up the phone.

“Hello Reception, how can I help you?”

“Hello, I have a question regarding your environmental policy, and the towel cleaning.”

“Yes Sir?”

“I was just wondering if the fifteen spotlights in my bathroom were those low-wattage environmentally safe ones?”

“Oh, I’m not sure Sir.”

“And is the bathroom mirror heated from energy created from from renewable sources?”

“Err, I don’t know.”

“And what about the underfloor heating. There is a wind farm somewhere powering that, right?”

“Again Sir, I’m afraid I don’t know.”

“So actually, your environmental policy extends to not washing towels that customers are happy to use again, and only if they make the effort to single them out for you?”

“Amongst other things Sir.”

I did not want to listen to stories of recycling office supplies or staff using bicycles to get to work, so I hung up at that point. I duly put my used towel on the heated rail, and went out for the evening.

The following evening I returned to my room to find all my towels had been replaced with fresh ones. I did not think I had particularly soiled it, and had only used it twice, but obviously the cleaner determined that it was so dirty it was worth killing the planet to ensure I had a new clean one to go with the other three that I had not used.

The planet is dying (allegedly), but at least I had nice clean towels.

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