“Can I ask you a question Angry?” ventured my friend Karen.
“You just did! Ha ha! See how funny I am?” I retort, wittily. I am funny.
“Seriously, I need a mans advice, but none of my male friends were free so I thought I’d to ask you.” she replied, making a cheap, predictable and not even remotely amusing gag.
“You are not funny. I am both a man and excellent at dispensing advice, so fire away.”
“Well, it’s this guy I’ve been seeing, I need to know if he’s interested in me.”
“OK, tell me about it.”
“Right, well, he’s in a band, but we met in an evening class. We’ve been out a few times, and I’ve been to see his band a few times, but it feels like I am the one who does all the chasing. I don’t know if that a bad sign? I’d like us to be on equal footing, and right now it’s not like that, I guess what I really want….” she continued, ad nauseum.
About two hours later I got the chance to interrupt.
“Have you had sex with him?”
“I’m not answering that!”
“It is really important if I am to give an honest assessment of his overall interest.”
“Yes, we’ve done it.”
“On more than one occasion?”
“Yes.”
“Then he is interested, definitely. Next question.”
At this point she started asking things like, “Why?” and “What makes you so sure?”, but honestly, I was losing the will to live. That said, if anyone wants to give me an advice column in a National Newspaper my rates are very competitive.
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14 comments
<< The North
Shambo's revenge · October 31, 2007 at 9:57 am
The worst thing I heard recently is that sleeping with girls and not having sex with them actually makes them like you more.
Why don’t they teach that in PSE?
z · October 31, 2007 at 10:18 am
What’s the silly girl fussing about? She’s had sex with him, so she got what she wanted. She should ignore him for a bit.
Salvadore Vincent · October 31, 2007 at 10:51 am
I thought the story was going to go:
“Well, it’s this guy I’ve been seeing, I need to know if he’s interested in me.”
“OK, tell me about it.”
“Right, well, he writes this weblog about how angry he is with little day-to-day annoyances. Call centres putting you on hold, that kind of thing. I’m quite shy and I don’t know how to approach him. I just want to know whether he likes me as much as I like him, if you know what I mean.”
“He sounds like a bit of a cock to me. Next question.”
Admin comment by Mr Angry · October 31, 2007 at 11:21 am
Shambo – That is rubbish. There are loads of women that I have been in bed with and not had actual sex with, and most of them hate me. Or do you mean when it is your decision not to have the sex?
z – I knew it! You are all playing hard to get with me!
Salvadore – Trust me, if that happened in real life I’d be naked by the time she got to, “if you know what I mean…”
Eliza · October 31, 2007 at 11:40 am
i thought if you put out then they were put off? does this mean i have to have sex with mine? eeeeeew
Glammer · October 31, 2007 at 11:52 am
As one who has been a pro in-a-bander for more years than need be revealed here, the telling phrase is “he’s in a band.” That’s all the info you need to know this ‘relationship’ (for want of a more inappropriate word) is doomed. Move on; find an office worker; buy a Rabbit. He’s not interested, he has no prospects and older men are far more sexy anyway.
Shambo's revenge · October 31, 2007 at 12:08 pm
Angry, when I say ‘decision’ I may just mean lack of contraception. Did they consent to your bed sharing?
Eliza, that is true, its all about the chase!
TheBoy · October 31, 2007 at 1:06 pm
You missed out the more relevant secondary question, “is he leaving a tooth brush at yours”. Sex shows he’s interested, the toothbrush shows if he’s interested in more…
Admin comment by Mr Angry · October 31, 2007 at 1:40 pm
Eliza – Of course. Casual sex (or ‘formal’ if you’re into that sort of thing) gets you love. All women (who know me) please take note.
Glammer – She is allergic to rodents of all types.
Shambo – By ‘consent’ do you mean ‘pass out in the right way’?
The Boy – Mental note made. Sod the flowers, buy yourself the latest Sonicare instead.
bittersweet me · October 31, 2007 at 1:58 pm
‘interested in me ..’? surely men are only interested in themselves, which is where the sex comes in.
*goes off to suck a lemon*
Pentheus · October 31, 2007 at 9:26 pm
men see love as a means to sex. Women see sex as a means to love. And yes I am generalising.
bendersbetterbrother · October 31, 2007 at 11:11 pm
If she means “interested” as in interested in having a shag then she already knows the answer.
If she means “Interested” his lack of contact etc. confirms her suspicions.
So, we must assume she enjoys the girlfriend of a guy in a band thing + the sex but doesn’t want to feel guilty about liking that. She wants to feel it might be more than that though whilst not wanting it necessarily to be more. Am I making sense, no? I’ll continue anyway.
I bet if you asked her if she’s happy to be one of his groupies she’d not mention him to you again.
Sam · October 31, 2007 at 11:33 pm
Angry, really bad advice. Once they’ve ‘got what they want’ which is usually sex, then they loose interest – some friend you are!
Angelalala · November 1, 2007 at 1:40 am
If she doesn’t know the rock n roll rules she’s too dim to be your friend.
You can’t be a groupie to someone you met at an evening class,/i> ffs!