There are some edible things in this world that I would never eat. A hundred year-old egg, chicken feet, or haggis. Then there are some things that, based on sound medical advice you really should never eat, like Monkey faeces, cutlery, and chewing gum.
Unfortunately, I have accidentally eaten one of these. And no, this tale does not involve the monkey enclosure at London Zoo. Or a drunken dinner party dare.
I have swallowed some chewing gum.
It happened accidentally whilst I was getting changed at the gym. I did not instantly choke to death, which was nice, but now the chewing gum in my stomach is constantly praying on my mind. I have not swallowed chewing gum since I was at primary school, and the day that the Hubba Bubba went down is still fresh in my memory. I still vividly remember the afternoon of panic as my fellow classmates told me exactly what the chewing gum was doing to my insides.
“It’s going to wrap around your heart and kill you to death!”
“It will line your bum so you will not be able to do a poo and eventually you will explode in a big bubble of shit!”
“It will stay in there forever, and if you ever have a fizzy drink ever again it will expand and choke you! Are you going to drink that Coke?”
“It will block everything up so you’ve probably only got room for one more meal before you die, better make it chips!”
“You are such a fucking Spaz!”
OK, that last one might not have been associated with the chewing gum incident, but the memory is still vivid nonetheless.
What I really want to know is, should I be worried?
No tags
sooz · October 25, 2007 at 8:15 am
Lovely classmates you had then Mr Angry!
I remember the ‘tangling round your insides’ scare! Luckily it’s not an apple pip or you’d have an apple tree growing inside you…
You’ll be fine. You got it through the choking stage and that’s the most dramatic and deathly phase resulting in death. The rest will just poo out.
I’ve known a child to pass two whole conkers before! Not to be recommended nor safe but if that’s possible you could’ve had the whole packet and been fine!
sooz · October 25, 2007 at 8:15 am
Not a packet of conkers, obv. (surely you weren’t doing a workout whilst chewing like a chav?? tsk!) *shudder*
Oli · October 25, 2007 at 8:39 am
Yes your going to die, especially if you drink coke. Im pretty thirsty this morning though…
z · October 25, 2007 at 9:00 am
I never saw you as a bit of a wuss, Angry. I’m disillusioned.
Peter · October 25, 2007 at 9:20 am
Swallowing one conker is unfortunate: two is just plain careless.
Shambo's revenge · October 25, 2007 at 9:47 am
Swallowing chewing gum is the number one cause of the bad aids.
I hope you’ve learned your lesson
bendersbetterbrother · October 25, 2007 at 9:50 am
Being a spaz is something you’ll just have to learn to live with. As for the chewing gum, I wouldn’t lose any sleep over that.
Anna · October 25, 2007 at 9:58 am
Chewing gun doesn’t wrap itself around your heart anymore. Depending on how much you swallowed the worst that can happen is that your next poo will bounce off the bottom of the toilet and smack you on your arse……or is that rubber balls……hmmmmmmm
Lin · October 25, 2007 at 10:11 am
Hubba Bubba is bubble gum donut.
Peach · October 25, 2007 at 11:26 am
you WHAT?!?!?!? are you CRAZY!!?!?!? you swallowed GUM? OH MY GOD. Oh my GOD, Angry… YES YES YES be worried, oh jesus, someone send for a priest
no, you have nothing to worry about, silly
robram · October 25, 2007 at 12:01 pm
You know that you should be worried, don’t you? Forget all the levity above and beware of Rhys Thomas
http://www.robmansfield.net/2007/10/11/your-mum-was-right-chewing-gum-is-bad-for-you/
Eliza · October 25, 2007 at 12:02 pm
bad aids
Duck · October 25, 2007 at 1:17 pm
Maybe you could swallow some solvent to dissolve it in your stomach and intestines – or some acid? You can’t be too careful
Dave Petterson · October 25, 2007 at 1:33 pm
Yes. You should worry. Clearly the first four never came to pass, as you are still here, however the last one is clearly still applicable.
Perhaps this time one of your old classmates predictions will come true. My money is on the lining your bum one. That seems the most likely thing to happen.
Please ensure that you make a video of the event. Clearly you will need to get someone else to post it but I’m sure your mates would jump at the chance to make a ground breaking posting like this.
Let your ISP know so they can sort out the bandwidth allocation.
Oh! err…. Good luck.
xl · October 25, 2007 at 1:42 pm
Well, at least it wasn’t the haggis.
Gnarlyswine · October 25, 2007 at 2:10 pm
where do you think haggis really comes from – you dont really believe all that sheeps stomach nonsense do you? Its a big poo wrapped in wrigleys spearmint.
TheBoy · October 25, 2007 at 2:11 pm
Really Angry, its been lovely knowing you. I have a friend in the undertaking trade, I’m sure I could get your family a discount. You know that new flat screen you bought, could you just put this yellow sticky down on the bottom? I’ll send someone by in, oh, about a week from what you’ve said. What’s your mum’s address so I can send some flowers?
Megan · October 25, 2007 at 2:15 pm
In my school we all knew someone who knew someone whose aunt always swallowed her gum and then she died and they cut her open and there was a 50 pound ball of gum in her stomach. You’re doomed.
Oli · October 25, 2007 at 3:45 pm
And I like haggis.
Chopski · October 25, 2007 at 4:18 pm
Remember that story about Mark Almond swallowing loads of chewing gum?
Dave Petterson · October 25, 2007 at 4:31 pm
Chopski,
lol. I remember that but it was special chewing gum and supplied in a special dispenser.
Debster · October 25, 2007 at 5:23 pm
Rather like the joke about the monkey and the billiard ball …
Clarissa · October 25, 2007 at 5:54 pm
Depends on the what kind of gum it was. Hubba Bubba again? Wrigleys? Bubbalicious?
Sam · October 25, 2007 at 7:01 pm
Isn’t chewing gum just a littttle bit chavie?
Cat · October 25, 2007 at 8:39 pm
I always swallow.
Jo · October 25, 2007 at 10:51 pm
I was frequently scared away from chewing gum with stories of it getting stuck in my throat and choking me to death.
My other also tried the same tactic with alcohol “If you drink too much you’ll be sick in your sleep and die”
Arse.
Will · October 27, 2007 at 4:09 pm
I’m not sure what the chewing gum will do to you, but at least it wasn’t one of these…