Archive for October 25th, 2007
There are some edible things in this world that I would never eat. A hundred year-old egg, chicken feet, or haggis. Then there are some things that, based on sound medical advice you really should never eat, like Monkey faeces, cutlery, and chewing gum.
Unfortunately, I have accidentally eaten one of these. And no, this tale does not involve the monkey enclosure at London Zoo. Or a drunken dinner party dare.
I have swallowed some chewing gum.
It happened accidentally whilst I was getting changed at the gym. I did not instantly choke to death, which was nice, but now the chewing gum in my stomach is constantly praying on my mind. I have not swallowed chewing gum since I was at primary school, and the day that the Hubba Bubba went down is still fresh in my memory. I still vividly remember the afternoon of panic as my fellow classmates told me exactly what the chewing gum was doing to my insides.
“It’s going to wrap around your heart and kill you to death!”
“It will line your bum so you will not be able to do a poo and eventually you will explode in a big bubble of shit!”
“It will stay in there forever, and if you ever have a fizzy drink ever again it will expand and choke you! Are you going to drink that Coke?”
“It will block everything up so you’ve probably only got room for one more meal before you die, better make it chips!”
“You are such a fucking Spaz!”
OK, that last one might not have been associated with the chewing gum incident, but the memory is still vivid nonetheless.
What I really want to know is, should I be worried?
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There are some edible things in this world that I would never eat. A hundred year-old egg, chicken feet, or haggis. Then there are some things that, based on sound medical advice you really should never eat, like Monkey faeces, cutlery, and chewing gum.
Unfortunately, I have accidentally eaten one of these. And no, this tale does not involve the monkey enclosure at London Zoo. Or a drunken dinner party dare.
I have swallowed some chewing gum.
It happened accidentally whilst I was getting changed at the gym. I did not instantly choke to death, which was nice, but now the chewing gum in my stomach is constantly praying on my mind. I have not swallowed chewing gum since I was at primary school, and the day that the Hubba Bubba went down is still fresh in my memory. I still vividly remember the afternoon of panic as my fellow classmates told me exactly what the chewing gum was doing to my insides.
“It’s going to wrap around your heart and kill you to death!”
“It will line your bum so you will not be able to do a poo and eventually you will explode in a big bubble of shit!”
“It will stay in there forever, and if you ever have a fizzy drink ever again it will expand and choke you! Are you going to drink that Coke?”
“It will block everything up so you’ve probably only got room for one more meal before you die, better make it chips!”
“You are such a fucking Spaz!”
OK, that last one might not have been associated with the chewing gum incident, but the memory is still vivid nonetheless.
What I really want to know is, should I be worried?
No tags
