Those of you who like football probably saw something in the news about the match between Celtic and AC Milan last Wednesday. The result was unexpected, but that was not what made it newsworthy. In the dying moments a fan made his way onto the pitch and tapped the AC Milan goalkeeper, Dida, on the shoulder.

What struck me in the immediate aftermath was that the Met Police could have saved themselves a few years of hassle if they had known that the best way to take down a six-foot Brazilian man is a tap to the collar bone.

Dida’s immediate reaction was to chase the fan, but then he fell over clutching his face like he had been shot. It was disgraceful. I have always said that if you are going to dive you should try and make it believable. Everybody knows that if you do not go down straight away then there is no point. I see better diving during Sunday morning parks football. It was amateurish.

The trick to believable diving is practise, and there are opportunities to practise your diving everywhere. After the guy bumps into you in the corridor? Take a dive. The restaurant waiter hands you the menu a little to forcefully? Take a dive. Your change from the corner shop weighs a bit more than expected? Take a dive.

There really is no excuse not to be really good at it.

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