As I sat there, I could hear her sniffling like a flu-ridden coke addict. I knew what was happening at the other end of the sofa, even before I looked across.

I finally glanced over as she wiped away a tear and tried to hide her face. I looked back at the TV.

“It’s emotional!” she explained.

“I am not crying, am I?” I retorted.

“That’s because you are dead inside.”

So, apparently I am dead inside, emotionally speaking. Physically speaking, my heart rate is a little fast and I have slightly high blood pressure, but apart from that, I am fine. But I am dead inside because I did not cry.

At Saturday’s episode of the X Factor.

I am in touch with my feelings. Anyone who reads the drivel on this website would know that, but I fail to see why anyone, ever, would cry at a reality television show. Especially one where inept singers embarrass themselves in front of the nation.

Can someone enlighten me?

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