I had been driving for a few hours, so I decided to take a break at the next motorway services.
These places are grim at the best of times, but when it is dark and quiet they are more miserable looking than Pavorotti’s skinny pallbearer.
I stretched my arms as I made my way to the toilet for a onesy, on route to which I noticed the amusement arcade. The brightest, flashiest and noisiest machine available was a two-man driving simulator.
I can not be certain, but surely putting a driving simulator in a place where people are taking break from driving is akin to selling drugs outside The Priory. There was no-one playing it, unsurprisingly.
After I had finished my onesy and was walking back to my car I was bemused to see a grown man, in a suit, playing the machine. I watched for a few seconds as he weaved his way through the traffic with a level of reckless abandonment rarely seen by people not driving a 20 year-old XR2. That is when it struck me.
It is actually a GENIUS idea to put these machines in service stations.
You spend hours driving along at 75 mile an hour, frustrated by the morons around you, so what better way to release that frustration than driving like an utter twat in a virtual world for ten minutes? It could quite possible help save your driving licence.
This got me thinking, and I believe it would be a good idea to put up virtual reality machines on major high streets so you could take a break from the shopping to go into a booth and slaughter innocent people with assorted weaponry for ten minutes. Virtually. I am not advocating sniper booths.
In fact, playing in games booths like this would almost make it worth suffering the Saturday shopping hordes. Almost.
No tags
ex-flatmate · September 10, 2007 at 11:49 am
You could put those arcade machines where you put someone elses face as the picture and then twat the punchbag to distort it outside of chav nightclubs thus reducing the number of arrests and a&e visits.
Or Mcdonalds etc could put moving walkways in their restaurants so that you have to burn of calories whilst queing to get a delicious McPoo.
This site is in danger of becoming a public service Angry.
Angelalala · September 10, 2007 at 12:14 pm
I keep trying to formulate a comment but that word ‘onesy’ is just too weird.
Equine Pimp · September 10, 2007 at 1:24 pm
Advocate the sniper booths you big pussy.
It’s people like you that are costing me money. I have the Government contact to build them if they get approved.
TheBoy · September 10, 2007 at 3:30 pm
The risk, of course, is that while pretending to be Hamilton, you begin to believe you actually can drive like him. Which, of course, you cannot. Then you go out and kill yourself, which while perhaps being of benefit to the gene pool, might actually kill someone else as well, which is possible not…
AFC 30K · September 10, 2007 at 4:34 pm
Pehaps they should include ‘Massage Parlours’ That’s a sure way to relax you ready for the next stage of the journey
Sam · September 10, 2007 at 4:36 pm
Fantastic idea. I work in a school, so having the ability to smack an annoying child around the head without then being questioned by social services is genius.
melanie · September 10, 2007 at 6:47 pm
Ok. does the arcade budget really need to be added? I have enough avenues that waste my hard earned coin.
sighs.
z · September 10, 2007 at 8:00 pm
As so often, I’m lost in admiration, Angry
Petronius · September 10, 2007 at 8:46 pm
Hello Livid,
My name’s Petronius and I’ve written a poem to cheer you up by livening up your fellow miseryguts Philip Larkin.
THIS AIN’T THE VERSE
They cheer you up, your mum and dad,
They really mean to, yes they do!
They load you with the cash they had
And add some extra, just for you!
And they were cheered up in their turn
By dudes in trendy hats and coats,
Who half the time were keen to earn
And half to mess around in boats!
Man hands on lots of joy to man,
Like the Ferrell film called ‘Elf’!
Join us early – yes you can!
And do have lots of kids yourself!
http://poemsbypetronius.blogspot.com/
KT · September 12, 2007 at 6:26 pm
umm, I’m joining in late but please may I request a commuter rage hell version too?
I want to be able to hop on a high speed steam roller to plough through slow walking elderly people blocking the pavement, kick out the wheels of cyclists running red lights so they spin across the road into the path of moving traffic, machete off the arms of paper hand-outers, machine gun my way through packed stations to the train doors. Then level 2, the train: sniper anyone talking/eating loudly, blow up screaming babies, taser anyone whose music is blasting for the whole carriage and force feed people who play with ring tones their own mobile phones.
Please Mr Angry may I? (arcade version optional if someone knows where I can get all necessary equipment, no questions asked)…
The IT Leadership Deal · September 18, 2007 at 9:06 am
Communication – Business and Personal – 7 of 10…
Communicate in person and use your mobile phone wisely, not like a pratt…