No no no. Don’t go leaping to the comments box with beautifully crafted messages of good tidings and best wishes. It is not my birthday. It was someone at work, someone rather senior.
Like every office throughout the land, he went through the “I’ve put some shit cakes in the kitchen for everyone” charade, and everyone signed his card pretending to like him as it was passed around between the employees. I thought long and hard about what to write, and then put the following.
Congrats, hope you end
up partying like you’re
nearer to 21 than 40! Try not
to get into too much trouble!
I took special care to emphasise the first letter of each line, and I will admit if felt extremely good to call him a cunt, even if it was hidden away in unbreakable code in his birthday card. It is these little victories which will ensure I win the war.
He then went out for lunch with the female office manager, and quite cute she is too. Anyway, I needed to see him after lunch so I checked his diary, and the smug bastard had only written in “BJ” over two hours for lunch.
Talk about rubbing your fucking face in it.
No tags
TheBoy · September 5, 2007 at 9:16 am
Ahh, I take it the office manager’s name doesn’t use the initials BJ? I think that counts as game set and match mate.
Anna · September 5, 2007 at 10:24 am
No it means Birthday Jog
la cubana gringa · September 5, 2007 at 10:29 am
Or perhaps you accidentally looked in Bridget Jones’ diary?
Sheppitsgal · September 5, 2007 at 12:48 pm
If I got given a cake made of shit, I would have smeared it all over the card.
maybe BJ means “Buy Jumper” and she was merely assisting on a shopping expedition.
I am sure there is a perfectly logical explanation, which doesn’t involve him banging her on every desk in the office (including yours, time to get some Flash wipes????).
Hope this helps.
Léonie · September 5, 2007 at 1:10 pm
No, no, I don’t buy any of those other theories. She was just giving him two hours of blow jobs, definitely. Did the same thing not happen on your birthday? If not you should sue her for discrimination.
z · September 5, 2007 at 1:17 pm
Sorry, whose fucking face was rubbed where?
bittersweet me · September 5, 2007 at 1:33 pm
at least you are not 40 .. yet
Angelalala · September 5, 2007 at 1:47 pm
I’d leave a list of staff birthdays and a tin of altoids on her desk.
In his name.
Shambo's revenge · September 5, 2007 at 2:21 pm
How about spiking said ’shit cakes’ with rohypnol and watching the office antics which ensue.
People using facebook would be the least of his problems upon his red-cheeked return
Sam Cullum · September 5, 2007 at 6:10 pm
Ah…..so that’s why she’s office manager!
Betty · September 5, 2007 at 6:51 pm
I wouldn’t want to eat shit cakes.
They sound revolting.
bender'sbetterbrother · September 5, 2007 at 8:09 pm
BJ, in his dreams.
Still, your top-secret uncrackable code will ensure one of you has the last laugh. I remember hand crafting a poem to someone I assumed to be taking everyone else for a ride with tall tales, the letters of the lines spelling out L Y I N G B I T C H. Must have been the capital letters that gave it away….
Andy · September 6, 2007 at 3:52 pm
Seems I just found a new way to write all the greetings to people at the office, but I will choose a different word each time
Thanks Angry!
Andy
http://www.freebet1.com
Jo · September 6, 2007 at 5:55 pm
THAT’S MEAN.
but awfully funny, I hope he shows the card to BJ.
melanie · September 6, 2007 at 9:57 pm
heh… yea. that is going to hurt for a few days. but there is hope for you yet.
Four Dinners · September 9, 2007 at 5:20 pm
BJ? Bungee jump? Face rubbing can be fun depending on where it’s being rubbed of course…
I haven’t a clue what’s goin on here but then again I’m pissed. Again.
Acornman · September 14, 2007 at 12:38 am
Found your blog via Interval drinks blog and I haven’t laughed so hard in ages.Looking forward to reading your archives.