I receive an email from one of my blond friends.

“I have just been to M&S to get my lunch.” it began. Clearly this was not an urgent request for help, or in fact likely to be very interesting.

“I was queuing up to pay for my sandwiches when I spotted some chocolate by the till. I am a sucker for point of sale promotions.” it continued, showing little sign of reaching a point.

It is not unusual for me to receive such emails, it is almost as if she is documenting her life by email. I have no idea why she thinks I would be interested, but there is usually some nugget in there that makes reading it worthwhile, so I continued onwards.

“I was at my desk in the afternoon and decided I would like to eat my chocolates. So I opened the packet and realised there were no chocolates in there. Just batteries.”

Right. Batteries.

“When did M&S start packaging their batteries like chocolates? I feel cheated!”

I have never bought batteries from M&S so I can not comment with any authority, but I would assume that the writing on the side saying, “Batteries” would have given the game away. Or perhaps the lack of the word “Chocolate”. Clearly not. Perhaps there is someone out there right now enjoying some nice milk chocolate, but with a non-working remote control.

Overall, this email was nearly as good as the time she emailed to ask at which point the Space Shuttle had turned from a space rocket into a plane, as she thought it was going to land back on earth like the rocket on Button Moon.

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