We have a temp in the office at the moment, and I am convinced she has some sort of mental problem. She simply cannot end a sentence without laughing as if I have just told her one of my brilliant jokes. Even when I have not told her one of my brilliant jokes.
Being in a meeting with her is like having a meeting on the set of a sitcom, except without the funny one-liners or the live studio audience. Just the laughter track. Do not be under the impression that this is something to help to lighten the mood, or that she is spreading a bit of happiness. She is not. Overly happy people make me sick. She is like the boy who cried wolf, all this fake laughing will totally dilute the effect when I eventually tell her one of my brilliant jokes.
In the kitchen this morning.
“Fucking hell, we’re out of milk again.” I said to no-one in particular.
“I know, I hate it when that happens, HAHAHAHAHAHAHA!” she cackled.
“I don’t understand, that’s not funny. Is it?”
“Not really, no, HAHAHAHAHAHAHA.”
Later, I had to pop in to ask her for some work related information. “I really need those figures as soon as possible.”
“I guess I’ll have to work through lunch then! HAHAHAHAHAHAHA.”
“Yes, you will! HAHAHAHAHAHAHA!” I guffawed. Though she didn’t seem to find it as funny when I did it.
I am compiling a list of things to say when I next see her, just to see if I can elicit a response that does not have a full-volume chuckle attached to it. My list so far:
“Someone just drove into your car.”
“I have a big bag of dead puppies under my desk, wanna see?”
“If you laugh at the end of your next sentence I will stick a fork in your neck.”
Can anyone suggest any others?
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Oli · August 31, 2007 at 8:48 am
The Doctor just rang, apparently you have aids and your pregnant.
AFC 30K · August 31, 2007 at 9:16 am
I’ve just seen an amazing video of you that your boyfriend/ girlfriend has posted on you tube.
Just how did you get in to that position in the first place?
Salvadore Vincent · August 31, 2007 at 9:45 am
“This is my penis”.
Oh, sorry, you’re trying NOT to make her laugh.
Keef · August 31, 2007 at 9:46 am
Perhaps it’s your fault Angry, perhaps she’s so overwhelmed by your masculine charm that she can’t control herself.
Is she fit? if so invest in a pair of earplugs or just practice your self-control.
If she isn’t then personally I find the direct approach the best how about something along the lines of “Shut Up you Daft Cow”
meredic · August 31, 2007 at 10:00 am
I think I know her. Does she do part time bar work in Conwy? You should hear her when she is drunk.
bender'sbetterbrother · August 31, 2007 at 10:11 am
“What really, really fuckin’ winds me up is laughing at the end of a sentence.”
That should at least make her feel sufficiently uncomfortable in your presence while she’s there.
Dominic · August 31, 2007 at 10:20 am
I used to work with somebody who made EVERY SENTENCE into a question. I thought that was about as bad as it got, but your tempt does sound even worse.
Maybe you could get her to do a sponsored “No laughing at all” day?
TheBoy · August 31, 2007 at 10:29 am
Yup, she’s definately got the hots for you.
“I’ve just read this article about a fascinating illness?”
“Have you, do tell. HAHAHAHAHA”
“Appearently laughing at the end of each sentence is a clear sign of extreme brain trauma. The poor soul is up to die at any moment from a debilitating tumour.”
Thomas R · August 31, 2007 at 11:03 am
Check your flies- maybe it ain’t what you say that’s so funny. [Or have you forgotten to take you cowboy hat off, perhaps?]
Admin comment by Mr Angry · August 31, 2007 at 11:11 am
Oli – Good or Bad aids??
AFC – That is a hideous image, thank you.
Salvadore – That is too factual an introduction. I prefer a Pacino-esque “Say hello to my little friend…”
Keef – No. She is not fit. At all.
meredic – It is a bit of a commute, but it could be her I suppose.
benders brother – I have just taken to mirroring her now. I think she might believe I am a mental.
Dominic – I have worked with Aussies, they do just that. All. The. Time.
TheBoy – “That’s terrible! HAHAHAHAHAHA”
Thomas R – See response to Salvadore
sooz · August 31, 2007 at 12:00 pm
Just leave your site up on your work’s desk and watch those HAHAHAs turn into BOOHOOHOOs!
You don’t think she knows you’re Mr Angry do you? That’d even make me laugh with fear!
You could take her aside and tell her very seriously that Fat Jim has trouble with paranoia and thinks that everyone is laughing at him and how he’s on probation at the moment…
AFC 30K · August 31, 2007 at 2:06 pm
That would be bad….
What if she is a regular reader, or even a commenter…
I suppose it would draw her afliction to her attention quickly.
Gert · August 31, 2007 at 2:23 pm
Please don’t tell me she’s called Adele…
http://www.madmusingsof.me.uk/archives/cannon_fire.php
Peach · August 31, 2007 at 4:03 pm
just smack the bitch up
bittersweet me · August 31, 2007 at 5:51 pm
apparently it is a sign of nerves .. do you often make people nervous Mr Angry?
xl · August 31, 2007 at 8:22 pm
Tourette syndrome perhaps? Her, not you, of course.
melanie · August 31, 2007 at 9:41 pm
just tell her to quit it. say to her, no one should laugh at someone whose pet just committed suicide. then walk off.
that should produce an entirely new set of reactions. and maybe even some freshly home baked cookies.
enidd · September 1, 2007 at 1:38 am
i just found out my gran is dead. her corpse had been sitting in front of bbc 2 for a week before they found her.
Jade Jone's · September 1, 2007 at 10:46 am
Try tieing her up in the stationary cupboard and throwing acid all over her
clarissa · September 1, 2007 at 11:46 am
“Give us a hug?”
Esoteric · September 1, 2007 at 6:53 pm
She likes you, you nincompoop. I bet she just waits for you to say something. You’re amazingly good looking, she’s not. Give her a break. If you actually have a small conversation with her it’ll stop.
Four Dinners · September 2, 2007 at 1:20 pm
Sack her (long as she’s not in’t union mind)
eye-contact · September 2, 2007 at 3:41 pm
In my country we have an expression for women/girls who laugh all the time with no reason, but translating it into english loses all the charm: “you laugh like an idiot pulled in the d.ck”. Do you think she would be very upset if you told her that? muhahaa
luna · September 2, 2007 at 7:34 pm
She laughs to cover up her nervous shaking.
Just tell her your hairiest joke and watch her freeze in fear.
Jo · September 2, 2007 at 8:54 pm
“I saw this programme last night. It was called ‘People who laugh at everything you say have really hairy, smelly fannies”
“HAHAHAHHAHAHAHA….oh.”
She’ll learn.
Cheryl Kaye Tardif · September 3, 2007 at 5:27 pm
“I’m holding your final paycheck. Go ahead and laugh now.”
Jon · September 4, 2007 at 5:37 pm
How about
“I’m nervous because I’m a temp in a new place and surrounded by full-timers, a lot of them probably very experienced, who look a lot more confident than I feel”