I like tomato ketchup. It reminds me of my Mum’s cooking. Back in the really olden days before plasma televisions, ketchup used to come in a solid glass bottle. I know, I know, it is hard to believe. Life truly was a daily struggle.

Fortunately someone invented technology and now we have ketchup in squeezy plastic bottles. Unfortunately, these squeezy bottles have made it nigh on impossible to get a small amount of sauce onto you plate. They have a little valve on the top that is reminiscent of a cats anus (I would imagine) and it has just the two settings. Closed, or gushing.

This is because the new bottles are designed not to drip, but what this means in practice is that the sauce either flies out with the velocity of a Lewis Hamilton fart, or it stays firmly in the bottle. This is not helpful when you have a palette as delicate as my own. A plate of chips can be absolutely ruined if you get too much sauce on them. And do not say I should ‘eat them anyway’, I am not a heathen, I am a connoisseur.

Sometimes you have to hold your hands up and say that progress for progresses sake is just not worth it.

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