The Tour de France has finally come to a close, and yet again it has been sullied by accusations of doping and performance enhancing drugs. I do not know how smoking dope will help ride a bike more quickly, but I am not an expert by any means (in cycling I mean, I am an expert at lots of other things).
What I do believe however, is that it is time for a change of heart regarding these so-called cheats. We are more than willing to give an entire competition to the disabled and the mentals, so why not the drug addicts? That is discrimination of the worst kind, and should not be allowed in this day and age. They are people too.
I think the Smackhead Olympics would be a real ratings winner. Each competitor can imbibe, inject, smoke, inhale, snort or gargle anything they like with absolute impunity. If you think it will help you perform, then go right ahead. You just want to get high before throwing that massive spear? Go right ahead. Think that a couple of ecstasy pills will help you calm down before the 1500m? Be my guest.
I’ve never seen a fat heroin addict, so I imagine they’d be quite good at the distance running.
What event would you like to see at the all new Smackhead Olympics?
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Shambo · July 31, 2007 at 8:38 am
The Mushroom Steeple Chase, water and hurdles would give it that extra added dimension, assuming you’re not freaked out by all the crowds and cameras staring at you and also just how cool the back of your hands look
oh and “the bats”…
Oli · July 31, 2007 at 8:41 am
I think the needle sharing marathon, with any luck they will all get AIDs and die.
Peach · July 31, 2007 at 10:23 am
“We are more than willing to give an entire competition to the disabled and the mentals”
lol
oooh you’re going to hell
Admin comment by Mr Angry · July 31, 2007 at 10:48 am
shambo – Hello, or we could make real bats chase them?
Oli – That would be a very long event indeed.
Peach – I have a suite reserved.
TJ · July 31, 2007 at 10:51 am
I’d like to see who can tie the belt around the arm the fasted. Also, who can snort the longest line of coke. Javellin with syringes would be a good one too.
Anna · July 31, 2007 at 10:57 am
How about synchronised swimming after a few big spliffs? The first team to giggle gets disqualified.
Dominic · July 31, 2007 at 11:00 am
I think that “drunken hurdles” would be quite amusing.
And perhaps the “Ten minute staying completely still” event for people on speed?
Anna · July 31, 2007 at 11:26 am
How about the ‘munchie marathon’ with an all night garage at the finish line?
Glammer · July 31, 2007 at 12:28 pm
I was going to type something but I can’t be arsed, man.
Oh, wait, check it out: you have to…erm…there’s a Dark Side of the Moon album and…er…Manfred Mann’s Earthband are playing Tangerine Dream covers…then you have to…what was it? The thing…y’know, it was in that Cheech & Chong movie with the ice cream van…nah, it’s gone. Hey, who wants ice-cream?
xl · July 31, 2007 at 1:53 pm
Brilliant concept, Mr. Angry, brilliant.
I would like to see the opium 100m race, although it might take a while to complete.
Megan · July 31, 2007 at 2:12 pm
Out here we host the “slurring demands for spare change” marathon. There are special classes for “washed (mostly)” “unwashed” and “almost entirely clothed.” Last year’s winner wooed the judges by using the original line “got enny change fer dope?”
Will · July 31, 2007 at 2:49 pm
I think Smith and Jones may have beaten you to it with their “drug-assisted Olympics” sketch.
Never mind: I’d like to put in a request to see Doherty accidentally setting himself on fire as he tries to light the Olympic flame.
Sewmouse · July 31, 2007 at 2:52 pm
LSD-Assisted Pairs Figure Skating
Ooooohhhhhhh Colorsssssss
TheBoy · July 31, 2007 at 3:25 pm
The extasy dancethon is a real winner I think. Contestants have to supply their own water though, else it might get a bit expensive.
me · July 31, 2007 at 4:43 pm
i think they should ban drug testing of the tour-de-france.
It is the most accessible spectator event in Europe. Let’s sit back and enjoy it for what it is – an extraordinary display of human effort and willpower beyond sanity. Turn a blind eye to drug taking and let the competitiors decree their own level of risk.
Four Dinners · July 31, 2007 at 7:14 pm
I’m reliably informed that dope numbs the pain to the bollocks from the hard saddles. What more justification do they need?
Went out with a girl once who cycled seriously. Claimed she had orgasms going uphill. Chucked me for a new racer. Can’t say I blamed her…
Jo · July 31, 2007 at 8:16 pm
Clearly ‘Speed roll’ , ‘Adverse conditions roll’ and ‘Most inventive spliff’ would be winners.
Glammer · August 1, 2007 at 8:45 am
Most Inventive Spliff – I knew a guy at college who could roll a spliff like a T, so from the roach it went out sideways both sides and was actually two spliffs in one.
Is this a record?
sooz · August 1, 2007 at 10:12 pm
Synchronised swimming! It’d be quite something to see if any of them ever managed to synchronise at all whilst not drowning!
Phil · August 2, 2007 at 9:01 pm
It’d be more honest if they had an open Tour where the competitors can take anything they like. They could still run the traditional Tour. Which race would be more exciting?