The Tour de France has finally come to a close, and yet again it has been sullied by accusations of doping and performance enhancing drugs. I do not know how smoking dope will help ride a bike more quickly, but I am not an expert by any means (in cycling I mean, I am an expert at lots of other things).

What I do believe however, is that it is time for a change of heart regarding these so-called cheats. We are more than willing to give an entire competition to the disabled and the mentals, so why not the drug addicts? That is discrimination of the worst kind, and should not be allowed in this day and age. They are people too.

I think the Smackhead Olympics would be a real ratings winner. Each competitor can imbibe, inject, smoke, inhale, snort or gargle anything they like with absolute impunity. If you think it will help you perform, then go right ahead. You just want to get high before throwing that massive spear? Go right ahead. Think that a couple of ecstasy pills will help you calm down before the 1500m? Be my guest.

I’ve never seen a fat heroin addict, so I imagine they’d be quite good at the distance running.

What event would you like to see at the all new Smackhead Olympics?

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