I am not a scientist. Well, not officially, but I mean how hard can it be? You put on a white coat, go and play with some dangerous stuff, write it up and away you go.

What I do understand however, is the concept of cause and effect, and how that differs to a correlation. This is why I was drawn to this particular story last week about a cat that can predict death.

Essentially, this story relates to how a cat at a nursing home in the US would sit by patients who were about to die. Of course, they may not know that they were about to die, hence the ability to ‘predict death’ bit of the story.

I love the way it is described as ‘baffling’ doctors. People with medical training are seeing a cat sit by an old person’s side, then a few days later said old person dies. Explanation? The cat can predict death! I am glad all that medical training did not go to waste.

If we are going to assume that this is a cause and effect relationship, and not a simple correlation, I would like to offer a counter theory. I am going to suggest that this cat has absolutely no psychic ability whatsoever, but is actually a sociopathic murderer and is killing people to death.

Cats are evil, everyone knows this. They are only in it for themselves and have no feelings whatsoever for their owners. If you have nothing to offer them, they piss off without so much as a glance backwards. This is why you never see a homeless person with a cat.

I truly believe that this cat is simply selecting its next victim, and then spending a few days figuring out a way to make it look like natural causes. Which is not that hard when your victims are all over seventy years old.

Kill the cat, and kill it now, before anyone else dies because of its murderous ways.

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