Our office has a posh coffee machine. It has a lots of buttons, makes numerous mechanical noises and takes a little while to make a single cup of coffee, so when there are a few people waiting to use it, non-work conversations normally strike up quite quickly.

“So, have you read the new Harry Potter book yet?” asked nondescript co-work number one, to nondescript co-worker number two.

“No, but I have it at home, I plan to read it this weekend.”

“It is a bit long, but very hard to put down, I finished it last night. Which version did you buy?”

“The adult one, obviously, I don’t want people thinking I’m weird, ha ha!”

My interest was piqued at the mention of adult material. It is a gift. I remember one University lecturer calling this phenomenon something like the ‘Cocktail Party Effect’. It is where people can pick out their names in distant conversations they are not listening to, even though they have not heard a single other word. I am a bit like that, but with porn.

“Hang on, there is an adult version?” I queried, a little bit too enthusiastically.

“Well, yes. I think there are a few different versions actually.”

“That is very interesting. So, how much actual shagging is there in this adult version?”

As it turns out, the adult version relates purely to the cover art, and in no way implies any wizard-on-witch, or even witch-on-witch action. Who would have thought? I have not been this disappointed since accidentally buying a copy of Memoirs of a Geisha, under obviously false pretenses.

I wish I had known this before getting a coffee. My HR file is thick enough as it is.

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