* Takes off clothes and begins to type *

I have bought a computer games machine!

It is ace, honestly, and really makes the most of my nice newish TV. I was getting a bit bored of just watching digital television and DVDs.

I admit I am a bit crap at the games I got with it, but that will soon change as I am a natural athlete and so it is only a matter of time before I can shoot all challengers in the face (in the games). As part of my quest to become brilliant at it, I have bought a wireless adapter. This means I can play against people on the Interweb! From my own sofa! I can now be ritually humiliated by teenagers from all over the world, but it is especially good as I now have the opportunity to shoot Fat Jim in the face without actually having to go outside and round to his flat.

The problems began when I tried to open the packet the adapter came in. It was one of those plastic heat sealed things that appears to have been forged in fires of hell itself. There was a helpful sign on the back saying “Cut here” with a dotted line across the top. This seems like a straight forward instruction. However, I can only assume they meant add the words “with an acetylene torch”, because it was not opening with my scissors. And I speak as someone who developed a vice-like grip during his lonely teenage years.

When scissors do not work, there is obviously only one option left open to you. You have to fetch the biggest and sharpest knife in the kitchen. Mine is known amongst friends as the “Knife of Woe” on account of the number of times I have cut myself on it. I think technically it might be considered an actual sword. It is massive. And really fucking sharp. When cooking I used to pretend it was a sword, and that I was a musketeer, until the neighbours started giving me funny looks and I realised they could see into my kitchen when I was doing it. Nowadays I make sure I play out my fantasies behind closed blinds.

Anyway, the Knife of Woe did its job and I have but a mere scratch for my troubles. Now I must go and practise so that I can shoot Fat Jim in the face online. But first I will get dressed, otherwise it would be wrong on so very many levels.

* Gets dressed and logs off *

And now for the bit you have all really been waiting for. Picture evidence from today’s post can be found HERE… I have included the blogged-about item, as I felt sure some of you would accuse me of Googling for “man on laptop in the nude” and using a picture from that. But believe me, I do not have time to look through 15 million images.

If you think this photo is worth a vote, then click here and vote Mr Angry on the top right of the page. If you don’t, then leave a comment on the photo abusing me. I think I know which will have the higher hit rate. Still, it does not look like I will come last now, which was the whole point after all…

No tags