I was reading Scary Duck the other day, and he was talking about his fondness for public toilets, which reminded me of a moment from my past that, until that point, I had done my best to forget. So I thought a good way to finally forget about it would be to share it with people off of the Internet.

It was the summer 1997, I had recently graduated from University and along with my then girlfriend had decided to travel around Europe for the summer before joining the Rat Race and making my millions.

Generally speaking, it was good. I nearly got killed on a moped in Turkey, I got arrested in Rome, I couldn’t walk for two days after climbing Mount Vesuvius on foot, and I got ripped off by a slight-of-hand currency exchanger in Hungary. However, these memories pale into insignificance when I think of the horror that awaited me in Bucharest train station.

I had been ‘holding it in’ for about 200 miles, so by the time we entered the concourse, such as it was, I was ready to deposit my load there and then. The gypsy looking lady at the front of the toilet looked like she’d won the lottery when I thrust a five dollar bill in her hand and bolted for the first cubicle I could find.

I entered, closed the door, hung my backpack on the hook and hastily prepared myself above the hole in the ground that was where the toilet used to be (I assume). They had helpfully put a couple of foot plates either side to help with my aim.

Just as I was releasing hell, I heard a creak. Then another. My eyes searched for the source of the creak, and then, in one sudden jolt, the door fell from it’s hinges, and slowly, like in the opening credits of Wurzel Gummidge, the door fell backwards into the restroom.

I could do nothing.

This was not a ‘pinch it off and finish later’ situation, so there would be no stopping prematurely to correct the situation. I do not know if people walking past you and not giving you so much as a cursory glance is better or worse than being stared at, but it felt worse. They continued to walk across the door, and my rucksack, as I continued to squat whilst awaiting the end of the torrent caused by a Romanian train buffet.

Eventually it ended, I gathered my rucksack and made my way back to meet my girlfriend.

“Let us leave this place and never speak of it again”

And until today, that’s exactly what has happened.

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