I am going to a wedding in Ireland this weekend. So, in an effort to impress the young Irish ladies I decided to buy some new shirts. Off of the Internet.
I normally get my shirts from Charles Tyrwhitt, as they fit me well, and the online store appears to have a perpetual sale (whether they are ever sold at the inflated price god only knows). I found a few shirts I liked, a selection that I could either wear for the wedding, or work, and went ahead and ordered them. I also chose to pay for express delivery as it is obviously only a few days till my flight.
Then, a couple of hours later, I received an email:
This is a courtesy email to inform you that your order has been dispatched today.
SPIBLU15H3D Blue Pinpoint Classic Shirt Quantity 1
This is surprising, as I ordered three shirts, so would expect the dispatch notice to mention all three shirts. I revisited the website to check on my order only to be told that the two other shirts were out of stock. Well, they definitely were not out of stock when I ordered, as I deliberately discounted any out of stock items due to the time critical nature of my requirement.
There was an order query email in the dispatch notice, so I emailed them for clarification.
An hour later I received the following reply.
************** This is an automated response **************
**** PLEASE DO NOT REPLY TO THIS ADDRESS ****Thank you very much for contacting Charles Tyrwhitt. We aim to respond to your email within 48 hours.
Well, as you can imagine, this was about as useful as the Cutty Sark’s sprinkler system. They were going to get back to me a day after my delivery has taken place.
I decided to check the sales website, and lo and behold I could still order the “out of stock” item for next day delivery. No mention whatsoever of any delays all the way through the check out process. So called them directly.
“Ah, yes, there is probably a problem with the website system.” said Darren to call center operative after I had explained my problem.
“Well Darren, I could have told you that there was a problem with either the website system, or the dispatch system. What with them giving me conflicting information. They can’t both be right.”
“Yes. Of course. What would you like to do now?”
“Like to do? I would like the shirts as I ordered, and delivered before Friday, that is what I would like.”
“Well it says here on my system that they are now in the warehouse being checked for quality, so we could have them for you by Thursday?”
“Is this a third system? As it seems to contradict the other two. Which of these three systems can I trust Darren? They appear to have a 100% failure rate so far.”
“You can trust this one. I can call you tomorrow to confirm delivery if you’d like me to?”
“Yes please Darren, my success at this wedding is very much dependent upon delivery of these shirts, and of course the amount of free booze available at the Reception.”
And so I await delivery. I will keep you all informed of progress, should you be in the slightest bit interested of course.
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Peach · May 23, 2007 at 8:30 am
dude, I’m sure you don’t need shirts to “impress” girls…
Oli · May 23, 2007 at 8:38 am
Obviously every other tactic has failed, hes going to hit the mid life ‘wearing suit trousers everywhere’ stage soon.
rivergirlie · May 23, 2007 at 8:52 am
just amazed that you were able to get through on the phone at all! how many options did you have to key through first?
Dave · May 23, 2007 at 9:27 am
I have found the best place to order shirts online is ebay. I get all my shirts from there. Only new ones mind, I don’t want ex-night out vomit covered ones.
Anyway (knock on wood) I have had every success with buying shirts on ebay to day.
I would not however buy any other clothes with the exception of flip flops, of which I have 2 pair
Dave
SussexHire.com
M.C. Glammer · May 23, 2007 at 9:28 am
I want to hear how you wear three shirts during a wedding. Chicks love a quick change artist.
Mr.X · May 23, 2007 at 9:39 am
Bet they send you the wrong ones…
Dominic · May 23, 2007 at 10:23 am
They won’t fit. You realize this, don’t you? The only way to get clothes that fit off the Internet is to order every available size and then send back the ones that don’t fit.
Twenty Major · May 23, 2007 at 10:32 am
Hahaha, the joke’s on you. Only gays wear shirts in Ireland.
Angelalala · May 23, 2007 at 10:40 am
There’s a vicious rumour around that if you log off you can find shirts in places that let you try them on and leave with them right there and then.
But I don’t believe it.
Peach · May 23, 2007 at 11:21 am
ha ha Ange is funny
Dr_Clip · May 23, 2007 at 11:35 am
I have recently swopped from Mr Thhheyeywirt to TMLEWIN.com, who also have a perpetual sale and some mighty fine shirts.
Did you get a free “Maddie” ribbon with your single shirt?
Admin comment by Mr Angry · May 23, 2007 at 11:50 am
peach – obviously, but it is a wedding, I have first impressions to make.
Oli – I have plenty of other tactics, and if all else fails there is always Rohypnol.
rivergirlie – to give them their due, it was answered first time by a real person, with no options needed.
Dave – Hello. I thought eBay was just for concert tickets?
MC Glammer – I will be wearing only one, but it was cheaper to buy three as I will use them for work. I am very fiscally aware.
Mr X – One has arrived, and it was the right one. They’ve only sent the wrong one once in all the years I’ve used them.
Dominic – That is an excellent idea. Hmmmm.
Twenty – I knew it! My mate is only getting married to an Irish lass as part of an elaborate “Angry is a bender” gag. He is funny. See you in Ron’s Bar…
Angelalala – That is the most mental thing I have ever read on her. Crazy shit.
Peach – indeed.
Dr Clip – But apparently he has been making shirts since 1898, which conservatively makes him 120. I don’t want to order only for him to forget about it, or piss himself whilst fulfilling it.
me · May 23, 2007 at 12:04 pm
but… if you are only wearing one to the wedding – does it matter about the others arriving on time?
Admin comment by Mr Angry · May 23, 2007 at 12:36 pm
All – Darren has called to say they will be delivered tomorrow!
Who says blogging cannot fix the world?
(me – the one I am hoping to wear hasn’t been delivered, the delivered one is a checked work one)
Sheppitsgal · May 23, 2007 at 12:45 pm
Are you going to wear the one you mentioned above? Cos (sad bitch) I have looked at it and it is PRETTY. Not very wedding, tho, do they not sell them in LILAC??
BTW checked shirt – yuck.
M.C. Glammer · May 23, 2007 at 12:57 pm
Chicks dig fiscally aware guys. If you hear the word “cheap” uttered, you’re in like Flint. Also, take 3 condoms and use only one. They love that, too, especially if they’re potato-flavoured.
Billyboy & MrsF · May 23, 2007 at 1:39 pm
shirty!
ThomasR · May 23, 2007 at 2:21 pm
I thought you were cool – and then we find you wear checked shirts to work! Do you have a spotty bow tie and a tweed jacket with leather patches to go with it too!
God, and I thought I was a grump old fart!
Admin comment by Mr Angry · May 23, 2007 at 2:48 pm
Sheppitsgal – Stalker alert!!
MC Glammer – I have always wondered why you can’t buy condoms one at a time. As if anyone is going to use more than one.
B & Mrs F – er, yes.
ThomasR – I do what I can to fit in…
BoyOnTop · May 23, 2007 at 2:58 pm
Nope, do not buy cloths on line. It never ever works. Many other things yes, cloths no.
I have a local gentlemen’s outfiters I have bought from for years. George sees me come in, eyes me up and ensures anything he hands me is a perfect fit (it always always is, the guy’s got built in measuring tools). I go in, I say what I want and 10-15 minutes later walk out with exactly what I need perfectly fitted. I’ve even bought by phone and had it delivered same day at no extra cost.
Find one, find one now, and life becomes much much easier.
AFC 30K · May 23, 2007 at 3:17 pm
I have have a similar experience to The Boy but the outfitters in question was in Derby where I once lived. I’d love to always buy from there but now with a wife, family mortgage and car payments I’m struggling to afford M&S….
Badger · May 23, 2007 at 5:30 pm
I suppose it could have been worse. You could have been buying underpants off eBay. Never trust those cunts.
B.
TJ · May 23, 2007 at 7:16 pm
I can not believe your topical joke went unrecognised…. Cutty Sark sprinkler system – fabulous!
Ldbug · May 23, 2007 at 10:58 pm
On the edge of my seat……….
Admin comment by Mr Angry · May 24, 2007 at 12:01 am
TJ – Honestly, I am wasted on this lot…
Oli · May 24, 2007 at 8:41 am
I picked up on the joke but his ego is big enough as it is.
Thanks TJ, we are never going to hear the end of it now…
Admin comment by Mr Angry · May 24, 2007 at 10:34 am
THE SHIRTS HAVE ARRIVED!!!!