Rule #2635:

The chance of your laptop suffering a fatal error is directly related to the importance of the work you are trying to do on it. This chance grows exponentially as you near the end of the task at hand. In fact, with the benefit of hindsight, it is best you never do anything important, ever.

I know, I know, this post will lead to lots of “Why don’t you use a Mac?” questions. Well, this is a work laptop, and as everyone knows, they are all PC’s. The second question will obviously be, “Why didn’t you take a back-up?” Again, I did. Or rather, I regularly saved my work in case of a crash.

I did not however expect the crash to render the computer unusable, and then leave me unable to access my regularly saved work. I did not even have a chance to become irate at that little paper clip cunt, as it simply wouldn’t boot up.

So, this is how I spent last Thursday, sat up most of the night, on my home laptop re-writing a presentation I was due to give on Friday morning.

In the breaks away from work I allowed myself to dream up elaborate tortures for both Michael Dell and Bill Gates. The best one I came up with involved a large coffin, some scorpions and a copy of James Blunts latest album. But I do not want to say any more for reasons of plausible deniability.

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