Last Friday I wrote about all the fun I had been having a Comets expense, and suggested you should all go and have a chat with their online Instant Messaging Service.

I am pleased to report that this is exactly what you did. Below I have summarised some of the best chats I received by email, for your reading pleasure. There are a few, so I’ve split them up over two days.

First up is Cliff, who wanted to buy a hand-blender.

Chat Information You are now chatting with Steve.

Steve: How can I help you today?
You:Hello – I had a question about the KENWOOD SB256 hand blender
You:I wanted to know how powerful it is
Steve: I am sorry. I am not a product expertise. You would be able to find out detailed information about the product, under “Specifications” tab in the product description page. Should you still need more information, please call our customer care at 08705 425 425 and they would be able to provide more information on this.
Steve: The lines are open as follows:
Steve: Monday – Friday: 8.30AM – 8PM Saturday: 8.30AM – 6PM Sunday: 10AM – 5PM.
You: OK – A lot of your hand blenders seem to make smoothies, but I needed something with a bit more poke. Do you know if it could cut through, say, bone
You: bone
Steve: I am sorry. As I said earlier I am not a product expertise. However, if you are not satisfied with the product, you can use our refund policy.
Steve: For your information: A full refund or an exchange of equal value is guaranteed for customers returning unopened products within 28 days of purchase or delivery. Under distance selling legislation, any opened products purchased via our web site or telephone are also subject to a 7-day exchange or refund.
You: OK – I’ll give that a try. So if the hand is too big, then I could exchange the product?
Steve: Yes, you can.
You: Do you sell woodchippers?
Steve: I am sorry. We do not sell woodchippers.
You: Thanks for your help

Next up is sometime commenter Dr Clip, who had a few issues about the size of the product he was looking to buy.

Chat Information You are now chatting with Emma.

You: Hello Emma.
Emma: Hi, how can I help you in the checkout process?
You: I think I might buy a new Television
Emma: How can I help you in this?
You: I have a have a very small space to fit my large TV into. How would I best fit my large one in this small hole?
Emma: I am sorry about that.
You:do you have any advice for my problem?
Emma: I am sorry. I would suggest you to call our Customer Care at 08705 425 425 and they will be able to help you in this
You: Oh.
Emma:I am sorry for not being much helpful in this.
You:No, you have been helpful
Emma: Is there anything else I can help you with?
You: I guess i will just have to force it in the small hole as best I can
Emma: Okay…
You: have you had any experience of trying to fit a big one into any small holes you might have?
You: : I am also having a freezer delivered, but access to the front is difficult
Emma: Could you please provide the product code of the freezer so that I could help you with this?
You: are the men that deliver the product flexible?
Emma: Yes, our drivers will check for any access issues when they call. If you could detail the access issues in the special instruction box on the delivery slots page that will give them advance warning
You: : thanks. So if they can’t stick it in the front, will they shove it in my back door?
You: : access to the back door may be muddy, so they should wear protection
Emma: As I said earlier, please mention all the instructions and the access issues in the special instruction box on the delivery slots page that will give them advance warning.you have been
Emma: Is there anything else I can help you with?
You: No, can I help you with anything?
Emma: Thanks for asking. No.

And last but not least for today is dirty bastard Fat Jim, once again trying to get it on with ladies over the Internet.

Chat Information You are now chatting with Chris.

Chris: Hi, how can I help you today?
You: Hi Chris
Chris: Hello.
You: Would it be possible to chat with the lady in the picture on the right instead?
Chris: I am sorry, you would not be able to do that.
Chris: How would I be able to help you with the checkout process?
You:oh, she is pretty hot though, in a yummy mummy kind of way?
Chris: I am sorry about that, is there anything specific I can help you with?
You: Sorry about what? Praise the lord for hot women in the work place! Do you sit next to her? What is she wearing today?
Chris:I am not comfortable with the question you ask as this a professional chat service.
You:Oh right, I getcha, Professional eh? OK. How much is it going to cost me to chat with the hotty?
Chris: I am sorry, I am forced to end the chat session
You: Come on Chris, there is something in this for both of us!

There will be more chats tomorrow, including an attempt to buy a sheep and a microwave big enough to dry a dog.

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