Comet has provided material for this site before.

They are good like that, if a bit shit at the, you know, Customer Services bit. However, Fat Jim has discovered a new service that they offer which can provide literally hours of free entertainment. He found it after being banned from just about every Internet dating site in the UK, and spending a few days looking for ways to chat to women on-line in ‘non-traditional’ ways. Comet provide one such way.

Basically, if you put an item in your shopping basket on their website, and then go to check out, it gives you the opportunity to chat, via an Instant Messaging Service, with a customer service representative who is tasked with helping you with your purchase decision.

I was bored whilst eating my sandwich at lunch on Wednesday, so I decided to give it a go.

Welcome to the Comet Live Chat service.
Your estimated wait time is 0 mins and 7 seconds.
While you are waiting, please type your question into this secure chat box and press send when our Live Chat Agent accepts your chat.

Chat Information You are now chatting with Emma.

Emma: How can I help you today?
You: Hello Emma, that is a lovely name, I am looking at the Hoover HNU27 1AFF upright Freezer and I have a couple of questions before finalising my order.
Emma: Sure. How can I help you in this?
You: I am struggling to picture just how much room 6.4 cubic feet of space actually is?
You: I want to make sure it large enough for my very specific needs
Emma: I am sorry, we do not have the access to provide product information. You would be able to find out detailed information about the product, under “specifications” tab in the product description page. Or call our customer care at 08705 425 425, and they would be able to provide more information on this.
Emma: The customer care lines are open as follows:
Emma: Monday – Friday: 8.30AM – 8PM Saturday: 8.30AM – 6PM Sunday: 10AM – 5PM
You: OK, but in your opinion do you think it would hold a medium-sized human being? Hypothetically?
You: You know, slim build, average height, blond hair etc etc.
Emma: I am sorry. I am not an expert in the product. Please call the aforesaid number to help you in this.
You: What if something with a really good sense of smell were to walk past it, something like a dog. A specially-trained smelling dog for example.
You:Could a dog smell what was inside?
Emma: I do not know. I am sorry for not being much helpful in this.
You: That is OK
You: It also says it is frost free, so I could leave it for a prolonged period of time and it would still be OK on it’s own.
Emma: Yes. It is frost free. You would be able to find out detailed information about the product, under “specifications” tab in the product description page
You: I only need to leave it long enough to let the heat die down a bit, maybe a couple of months, you know?
You:And finally, are your delivery people discrete?
Emma: To make the delivery more convenient, on the day of delivery, the driver will call you and keep you informed about the estimated arrival time at your property for delivery at least two hours in advance. If your delivery is an early bird delivery, you will receive a call in the evening before to confirm this. Still, if you miss the delivery, please don’t worry. We will deliver it again. This will happen regardless of the delivery service you choose.
Emma: It’s absolutely worth the money that you are paying. Comet guarantee to deliver your product when we say we will, or we will give you your delivery charge back.
You: I’m sure they’re good, but I just want to make sure they are discrete, no-questions-asked kinda guys
You: I don’t need them to be asking lots of questions right now
Emma: They will never ask. However our drivers will check for any access issues when they call. If you could detail the access issues in the special instruction box on the delivery slots page that will give them advance warning
You:That sounds sweet.
You:How quickly can you deliver? It’s just with the warm weather at the moment I could really do with it asap, to prevent further decomp….er, decompression sickness?
You: I’m afraid if I don’t get the ‘item’ frozen soon it will be ruined forever
Emma: May I know the postcode of your area to check on the delivery slot?
You: OK, SL4 XXX
Emma:Thanks for the information.
You:but that is between you and me, it goes no further OK?
Emma: Let me check that for you.
You: I will deny it if you tell anyone. Even in a court of law if I have to
Emma: Please wait a moment.
Emma: The earliest delivery date available to your area would be Sunday 29th April if you opt in for Standard Delivery and Thursday 3rd May if you opt in for Free Delivery. You will be able to select the other available delivery dates in the “Delivery Slots” page during the checkout process.
You: 29th? that is six days away. Hmmm.
You: I suppose if I wrap it in cling film till then it might be OK till then, if I keep it in the shade.
Emma: I am sorry. As I said earlier I am not an expertise in the product. Please call the aforesaid number and they will be able to help you more on this.
Emma: Is there anything else I can help you with?
You: I don’t think so Emma. So long as I have your word that anything said here will go no further.
You:I value discretion very highly, you have to in my line of work, it is a matter of life or death
Emma: Sure.
Emma: Goodbye, and thank you for using Comet’s Live Chat Service. To help us improve our service, please take a few seconds to complete our online survey, it will appear when you close the chat window.
You: You take care now Emma

I challenge each of you to give it a go, select a random item to put into the Shopping basket, and take it from there. I will post the best ones up here, if anyone can be arsed to send them in via email of course.

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